Jeff
You'll never believe what just happened.
Jeff
It's unbelievable. Freaky, too.
Leroy
Well, you gonna tell me, or not?
Jeff
I'm sitting in this ice cream shop, right?
Jeff
Noshing on some rocky road. Delicious.
Jeff
There's a kid behind the counter. 16, maybe. Nametag read Bob, or Rob, or something like that.
Leroy
Is there a point to this story?
Jeff
He's standing there, wiping down the counter.
Jeff
Aaaaaand then, no joke, a T-Rex lumbered through the door.
Leroy
Like…one of those articulated suits at those dinosaur shows?
Jeff
Nah, bro. I mean a real, freaking T-Rex. It shook the ground as it came inside the ice cream shop.
Leroy
You're lying, right?
Jeff
Scout's honor, I'm not.
Jeff
It was an honest-to-goodness REAL T-Rex. Big teeth, tiny arms, scales. All of it.
Leroy
I still don't believe you.
Jeff
It happened. Swear to God. Anyway, it thundered right up to the counter and stared down at the kid.
Jeff
This kid—I couldn't believe the cohones on this kid. He's shaking—literally quaking while he's standing there—
Jeff
But he looks up at the T-Rex and says, "Y-You're a T-Rex. T-Rexes don't eat ice cream."
Leroy
There's no way this is real.
Leroy
A live T-Rex? Doubtful.
Jeff
Do you want to know what happened next or not?
Leroy
Fine. Sure. What happened next?
Jeff
The kid said that, and the T-Rex cocked its head to the side, as if the kid had made a good point.
Jeff
T-Rexes are carnivores after all.
Jeff
And then the T-Rex ate him.
Leroy
I'm rolling my eyes so hard at you right now.
Leroy
You have some kind of imagination.
Leroy
Obviously the T-Rex ate the kid. What else was gonna happen? He'd settle down with some mint chocolate chip in a waffle cone?
Leroy
Where do you come up with this stuff? You're crazy.
Jeff
Sorry. Dropped my phone. Hard to text and run at the same time.
Leroy
…The hell are you running from?
Jeff
What do you think I'm running from?
Leroy
nah. You're messing with me.
Jeff
I was the only other one in the ice cream shop, and the kid wasn't that big.
Leroy
I'm rolling my eyes again.
Jeff
Think what you want. I'm really hoping I can get
Leroy
Oh, I see what you're doing. Trying to pretend the T-Rex got you. Not gonna work on me, fam.
Leroy
Alright, buddy. You let me know when you feel like talking about something normal.
Leroy
I know you're pretending, but this is excessive.
Leroy
Jeff, I know you didn't get eaten by no Tyrannosaurus Rex. They're extinct.
Leroy
And you're stupid if you think I'm gonna fall for this.
Leroy
Jeff, my lunch break is almost over. Can you please text me to let me know you're okay?
Leroy
I have six minutes left before I need to clock back in.
Jeff
Wh""""jsuv:csyuuu$)sgl
Leroy
the hell is that supposed to mean? You sitting on your phone? Butt-texting me?
Leroy
C'mon, man. Joke's over. You got me, okay? I'm legit worried for you now. Let's just be done with this.
Leroy
Dammit, Jeff! Just text me something real so I know you're okay!
Leroy
That's it. I'm calling you.
Leroy
Answer your phone, Jeff.
Leroy
Hey, dummy. Pick up. It's that green button on the screen.
Leroy
Jeff, I've got 3 min left on my break.
Leroy
Now I know you're jerking me around. I hear that damned Rick Astley ringtone of yours from around the corner.
Leroy
I've got two minutes left on my break, but I only need one to kick your ass.
Leroy
Here I come. Shut your damned ringtone off before I
