Jenna clicks to listen to the first new voicemail from Adam, left last night.
Adam
I just…I haven’t seen this tie since college. And these pictures…
He blows out a long breath.
Adam
Goddamn. These pictures with the tie…
Adam
All right. I know I wasn’t supposed to see all this. I’m sorry for barging in.
Adam
Now I can guess exactly what was going on in my bed before you left for the hotel, and…
Adam
I’ll leave your place now. Call me back. Please.
Adam
I’ll wait until you do.
Jenna clicks on the second new voicemail from Adam, left that day.
Adam
You’ll be relieved to know that I’m in LA. No use waiting around at your place.
Adam
God, I’m still trying to figure out what happened.
Adam
And I really am sorry for walking into your room when you told me not to.
Adam
Just so you know, I couldn’t sleep last night, and it wasn’t only because of those pictures.
Adam
I wish I could talk to my friend Jen about this. Whenever you’re up to it, I’ll be here.
Jenna scrolls through her texts from that day.
Adam
I realized that the idea of talking on the phone could be making you uncomfortable.
Adam
Can you please answer?
Adam
You’re killing me, Jen.
Two hours later, Heather sets down Jenna’s phone on the sofa cushion between them.
Jenna’s eyes are red, and she’s hugging her knees.
Heather
Judging by those messages, he’s not giving up on you.
Jenna
Adam’s only contacting me because he wants me to explain the freak show he saw in my room.
Jenna
After I get up the guts to tell him, his curiosity will be sated and he’ll be on his way.
Heather
He wouldn’t be that callous.
Jenna
I don’t want to find out.
Jenna
Sorry to be this difficult, Heather. It’s hard to talk about this, even to you.
Heather
I just hate that you’re back in that shell you lived in before Adam found your "me item."
Jenna lets out a shaky laugh.
Jenna
My "me item." How vanilla compared to what he found this time.
Jenna
And I’ve been so good at hiding who I am until now.
Heather
I told you — give him a chance. Maybe he’ll tell you he’s into it.
Jenna
If he is, then the novelty is sure to wear off soon.
Heather
First you were scared because you thought he might wig out like your first boyfriend.
Heather
Now you think Adam might welcome all of you, and that’s still not good enough?
Heather
He’s never going to win with you.
Jenna
How can any man be interested in an oddity like me in the long run?
Jenna
I mean, the only real, long-term relationship I’ve ever had is with…
Heather enfolds her in a hug.
Heather
You really do have deep feelings for him.
Heather
The thought of him possibly rejecting you has to be devastating.
Heather
To you, that tie WAS Adam.
Heather
It was here when he wasn’t.
Jenna
What are you saying?
Heather
That you’ve invested a lot more emotion in that tie than any of your previous objects.
Heather
Have you ever held onto something in your box for this long?
Heather
Then maybe, this time, this particular prop is not just about sex but something more…
Heather
And that when Adam walked in and saw those pictures, you showed him your heart.
Jenna
No! Now I sound even weirder!
Heather
Stop it. Just admit you’ve been in love with Adam since college.
Jenna
If this is love, I hate it.
Heather
Please. I know your parents taught you that intimacy is a dark, wicked thing.
Heather
And your first real boyfriend only drove that point home.
Heather
But now you have Adam to wipe all that away.
The phone sounds off with Adam’s ringtone. They look at each other.
Heather
It’s time to put an end to this one way or another.
Heather picks up the phone, hands it to Jenna, then marches out the door.
Jenna stares at the thing, her pulse flailing.
Heather is right. It’s time to put an end to this.
Adam
I didn’t expect you to pick up.
Jenna
I didn’t expect it either.
A massively awkward pause stretches over the line.
Adam
I called to tell you that I don’t care about those pictures or the tie.
Adam
Well, that was what I intended to say at first, but then I realized it wasn’t true.
Jenna
Oh. Well, that’s just great.
Adam
I DO care that when I found them, you were humiliated.
Adam
I’m sorry for that. I really didn’t expect…
Jenna
What? The carnival sideshow that you found on my bedroom floor?
Jenna
Overreact? You said there was a little monster in me waiting to get out. So…
Jenna
Monster, meet Adam.
Jenna
No. You deserve to know every bit of this.
Jenna
I like to get myself off with objects.
Jenna
It started with a poster of Luke Skywalker and a tee shirt under the covers of my bed.
Jenna
Then it moved on to Han Solo — and I used another tee to get me off.
Jenna
I’m telling you all of it.
Jenna
I’m telling you how my parents would lecture me about treating my body like a temple.
Jenna
And that I tried to tell my first boyfriend what I used to do with the Speed Racer tee shirt he gave me…
Jenna
He kept my quirk a secret, but sure as hell avoided me at school after that.
Jenna
That’s when I knew I wouldn’t get what I need from anyone.
Adam
You’re saying that you haven’t been intimate with someone since then?
Jenna
I haven’t gotten OFF with anyone since then.
Jenna
I have my toys and my props for that — nothing else works like they do.
Jenna
So are you intrigued now, Adam? Do you still want to talk about this?
Adam
Jen, you’re still upset…
Jenna
Please don’t patronize me. It just makes things worse.
She imagines the appalled look Adam must be wearing.
It’s the same expression from prom night.
Tears well up from her chest and sharpen in her throat.
Jenna
I’m going to make this really easy on you, okay?
She hangs up then turns off her phone, reduced to a weepy mess.
A couple hours later, she gets a text.
Heather
Are you ok? I haven’t heard from you.
Jenna
It’s officially over.
Heather
I can put out a hit on Adam if he was awful to you.
Jenna
He wasn’t. I was the bitch.
Heather
I’m coming back over.
Jenna
Don’t bother. There’s no fixing this freak.
Jenna
After I told Adam everything, I got out my "me item" to try and make myself feel better.
Jenna
Lots of good THAT did.
Heather
What do you mean?
Heather
Oh. You mean you couldn’t…?
Jenna
Not even close. And that frustrated me even more.
Jenna
I got out the tie and pictures. Hell, I even looked at the Stormtrooper eraser as inspiration.
Heather
Oh no. What if you’ve been so intimate with Adam that nothing else is EVER gonna work?
Jenna
I hope not. But, shit, that’s probably why,
Jenna
I need HIM, and nothing can take his place.
Heather
Ugh, I’m so sorry.
Jenna
No, I’m sorry, mostly because I can’t take back the way I ghosted Adam.
Heather
Give yourself a day or so.
Heather
Intimate and sexual hang ups don’t get solved just like that.
Heather
But this one might require some sort of conversation.
Jenna
Thx, Heather. You’re the best.
Heather
Hey, when the time comes for me to mess up this epically, you’ll be there for ME.
Jenna leaves the box unlocked as she puts it away in the closet.
But what should she do now?
