The Thirty-Year-Old Virgin - Episode 5
by Courtney Cole
Leah glances at her watch as she sits in the teacher’s lounge with her friend Julie.
She’s waiting to hear back from Rem about how it went with his co-worker, Rachel.
Leah is antsy — worried that he’ll give in to the woman.
She flushes when she realizes she feels possessive over someone she’s never seen in real life.
Julie nudges Leah, breaking her away from her thoughts.
Hey. It’s Mr. Wood.
Leah looks up and sees Michael Wood enter the room.
He’s tall and sort of skinny, and she always wonders how the stick fits up his butt.
He always seems so stiff.
Julie snickers.
I’m pretty sure he’d like to give YOU some stiff wood.
Leah rolls her eyes.
She’d walked right into that one.
Don’t be ridiculous.
They watch their colleague fill up his coffee cup. He sneaks a couple of glances at them.
See? He’s looking at you.
Or you.
Nah. It’s you.
You need to at least talk to him.
He’s super nice.
I don’t think so.
Julie rolls her eyes.
Every female teacher in this school would like his attention.
And here he is, checking you out.
You need to represent us as a species, Leah.
Well, I do have a dinner at my parents’ house this weekend.
If I don’t take someone, my mom will definitely set me up with someone she chooses.
Leah makes a gagging motion and Julie practically crows.
See? It’s perfect. Ask him.
At that exact moment, Michael comes over to their table.
Ladies, is this seat taken?
We were saving it for you.
She smiles shyly at him.
Michael grins and sits across from them.
How’s your day been?
He doesn’t direct his question at either of them in particular so both of them answer.
Not bad.
It’s okay.
Well, that’s our motto here at Fairfield Elementary—
Let’s have an okay day!
Julie and Leah both laugh obligatorily.
Julie nudges Leah under the table.
When Leah doesn’t respond, Julie steps on her foot. Leah glares at her.
Hey, Michael…
Leah needs a date for Friday night.
Leah’s head snaps up, her eyes wide.
I, uh…I really don’t.
Julie ignores her.
She really does.
Her mom is trying to set her up.
Can you be our knight in shining armor and save her from parental manipulation?
Julie bats her eyelashes and Leah is so appalled she can barely see straight.
Seriously, it’s not necessary, Michael…
It’s fine.
He smiles.
Everyone likes to be a hero, right?
Of course. And what a perfect way for you to be our hero.
She and Michael both smile and Leah feels a little sick.
I really can take care of myself. I promise.
This isn’t necessary.
Don’t be shy.
Julie glares at Leah, then smiles up at Michael.
Can you pick her up at 7? I’ll text you her address.
Of course.
They continue to eat their lunch and make idle small talk, but it feels as if something changed.
Now, everyone will think Leah and Michael are a pair—
And that doesn’t feel right. At the end of lunch, Michael holds the door for Leah.
She doesn’t think he’s ever done that for her before.
As the afternoon wears on, she feels more and more uncomfortable. Finally, she texts Julie.
I’m not that into him.
He feels too…serious.
You barely know him.
But I don’t feel anything.
She sighs — when she texts Rem, butterflies erupt in her belly.
I think I should feel a spark.
🙄 Life isn’t a fairy tale, Leah.
Give him a chance — I think you’ll like him.
Ok, fine. I’ve already asked him out, so I guess I should follow through.
But I’m holding you responsible for this.
🙄 🙄 🙄
I’ll be the maid of honor at your wedding.
You can thank me then by letting me have an amazing dress.
#Opportunist
😂 😂 😂
My girls are my best assets, so I want to put my request in now…
My dress needs to show them off.
Whatever, nutcase 🙄
She puts her phone away and teaches Social Studies, but during the whole afternoon…
The feeling of guilt niggles at the back of her mind.
She feels like she’s cheating on Rem.
And she doesn’t like it.
App