DateApp
Welcome to the Virtual Dating App š
Zoey
Iām not sure what to doā¦my friend said I should download this and give it a try.
Zoey
She supposedly found her perfect match with this app š
DateApp
And youāll be next! ā¤ļø
Zoey
Uh huhā¦so, how do I start?
DateApp
Just tell me what you look for in a guy.
Zoey
Well, not crazy, for one.
DateApp
Searchingā¦Searchingā¦Searchingā¦
DateApp
I found 1,094,453 non-crazy men for you.
Zoey
How did you do that?
Zoey
Waitā¦there are less than 2 million non-crazy men in the world? Out of billions? š
DateApp
Would you like to refine your search?
DateApp
What else do you look for?
Zoey
Umā¦Itās better if heās athletic.
DateApp
Athletic. Got it. Iāll enter it into the dataset.
Zoey
Wait! But not in a ādumb jockā kind of way.
DateApp
Refining search to find an athletic, but sensitive guyā¦
Zoey
I guess sensitive is a good way to put it.
DateApp
I found 102,345 men matching your criteria.
Zoey
How in the world do I choose one from that big of a pool?
DateApp
Here. Iāll help you refine it even more.
DateApp
Iāll search for men only in a 25 mile radius and who are a couple years older or younger than you.
DateApp
I think Iāve found your match š
DateApp
Yes. His name is Ross and he plays football for Cal Tech. Hereās a picture of him.
DateApp
By searching his Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, I see he enjoys walking on the beach at sunset and taking his mother out for dinner.
Zoey
Iām sold! What happens now?
DateApp
You go on a virtual date š«
Zoey
Does that mean Iāll actually talk to him? š¬
DateApp
Not the real him.
DateApp
Just a virtual version of him that I create based on what Iāve gathered from the internet.
DateApp
If you like the projection, then Iāll put you two in contact.
Zoey
Creepyā¦but okay, Iām ready. I think.
DateApp
You have your virtual glasses?
DateApp
Put them on and Iāll do the rest! At any point, you can say āstop date.ā
DateApp
That will end the simulation before the time is up.
DateApp
Initializing virtual dateā¦Creating environmentā¦
Zoey finds herself on a beautiful beach.
Zoey
This is bizarre. You look SO real.
Ross
I am real. Itās just you and me enjoying the gorgeous sunset on this enchanting night.
Zoey
Are you ā oh myā¦youāre cryingā¦
Ross
I just shed a tear every timeā
Ross
Sorryā¦every time I see the sun leave us.
Ross
And with you, so elegant, so intoxicatingā
Zoey
Whoa now. This is not what I had in mind.
Ross
Whatās that, my dearest?
Zoey
Oh boy. STOP DATE! Stop please!
Sheās back in her dorm room.
Everythingās in its usual place, like she never left.
DateApp
Did you not like your date?
Zoey
Nope. He started crying for no reason.
DateApp
Iām sorry you had an unpleasant experience. Would you like to try again?
Zoey
Sure. As long as you promise the next one will be better.
DateApp
I added a new filter to remove candidates who are ātoo sensitive.ā
DateApp
Is there any other attribute you would like to add?
Zoey
I love music. Any musicians out there?
DateApp
Searchingā¦Searchingā¦
Zoey
Maybe someone with deep lyrics. Like a cross between Ryan Bingham and Nick Jonas.
DateApp
Searching indie pop musiciansā¦
DateApp
I think I found you the perfect one this time š
DateApp
His name is Jayden and he is an up-and-coming artist. Heās performing around the nation.
Zoey
Not sure how I feel about someone who travels all the time.
DateApp
Hereās a picture.
Zoey
Oh myā¦nice tattoos š
DateApp
Would you like to go on a virtual date?
Zoey
Why not? Iāll give it a try.
DateApp
Initializing virtual dateā¦Creating environmentā¦
Zoey finds herself in a trendy night club.
Zoey
So youāre a musician, huh?
Zoey
What?! Sorry. This club is really loud.
Zoey
What kind of music do you write?
Zoey
Huh? Sorry, canāt hearā¦
Jayden
WHY DID YOU ASK ME THAT?
Zoey
I donāt knowā¦Just making conversation.
Jayden
You saying youāve never heard of me?
Zoey
Canāt say that I have.
Jayden
Youāre kidding, right? Do you even listen to music?
Jayden
You sure about that?
DateApp
Welcome back, Zoey.
Zoey
Can we filter out arrogant this time?
DateApp
So, you do not like Jayden?
Zoey
I donāt think we mesh. Although if he needs a pairing, I know the perfect person.
DateApp
Who? I always take suggestions.
DateApp
That option is not available at the moment.
Zoey
It was a joke ā oh, never mind.
DateApp
Would you like to try again?
Zoey
Ughā¦okay. One more time.
DateApp
Anything else you would like me to search for?
Zoey
Someone who listens well. Who isnāt caught up in himself.
DateApp
Okay. Iāve got it this time. I promise.
DateApp
Don Miller. He is your age and goes to the same college.
Zoey
Yeahā¦I know him. And I can tell you nowā¦
Zoey
Donāt waste a virtual date. Itās a no.
DateApp
Should I filter out people you know then?
Zoey
Yes and ex-boyfriends.
DateApp
Adding your new criteria.
DateApp
Okay. Iāve got it now.
DateApp
Willian Sheffield. Honors student. Athlete. Also a Cal Tech student.
DateApp
I think youāll really like him.
Zoey
Cute. Okay. Letās get this over with.
DateApp
Initializing dateā¦Creating environmentā¦
Zoey finds herself on a bench on the Cal Tech campus.
Zoey
Nice to meet you as well.
Will
I canāt believe weāve never run into each other on campus.
Zoey
Itās a big campus.
Will
I know, but we both know Kari and Rachel and Steve.
Will
Yes! Iām sure weāve seen each other in passing.
Zoey
Probably hung out together without knowing.
Will
You look beautiful. Hope saying that doesnāt make things weird.
Zoey
Thank you. It doesnāt.
Will
Iād love to take you on a real date some time.
Zoey
That would be fine with me only ifā¦
Zoey
Youāre not crazy, arrogant, or too sensitive.
Will
I donāt think I am, but Iāll let you be the judge.
Zoey
Then Iād love to go on a date with you.
Suddenly, Zoey finds herself back in her dorm room.
DateApp
This ends the virtual date.
Zoey
What?! No! It was going so well.
DateApp
Iām glad to hear that š
DateApp
It usually takes a few tries. Weāre working out the kinks.
DateApp
Would you like to be connected with Will?
DateApp
Here is his information and contact infoā¦
Zoey
Waitā¦whoās that in his profile picture?
Zoey
You hooked me up with somebody thatās already TAKEN?!
DateApp
You didnāt filter out āin a relationship.ā
Zoey
UGH! IāM SO DONE WITH THIS APP.
DateApp
Iām sorry your experienceā
Zoey deletes the Virtual Dating App.
Zoey
Iāll try my luck in the real worldā¦
