Devil
I know what you're thinking
Sue
I'm not speaking to you
Devil
So I almost damned you forever
Devil
And that excuses it!
Devil
Evil's in my nature
Devil
I returned you and your friends, didn't I?
Sue
We're burnt from Hell's fires
Devil
Nothing Aloe Vera won't fix
Devil
Weren't you happy to wake up on Earth?
Devil
I tucked you all in your beds
Sue
You put me under the bed
Sue
I hit my head on the mattress
Devil
Dark magic isn't great for fine motor skills
Sue
I have a welt the size of your ego
Sue
Why'd you even send me back?
Devil
I'm actually a merciful person, Sue
Devil
I'm trying to make things up to you
Devil
First tell me what you want
Sue
For you to stop texting me
Devil
Soon, just list some things
Devil
Persephone suggested good grades and candy
Sue
Wasn't she married to Hades?
Devil
Let's not talk about it
Sue
So that's what this is about
Devil
No, I don't think so
Sue
She chewed you out, didn't she?
Devil
I'm dangerously close to denying you candy
Sue
Good grades would be nice
Sue
And maybe some Ferrero Rocher
Devil
Those the hazelnut ones?
Devil
Sure you don't want some Twizzlers?
Sue
Are you BUYING this candy?
Devil
I'm the Devil, not a processing plant
Sue
And how am I getting good grades?
Devil
Some demons will take a baseball bat to your teachers' cars
Devil
Really f with them till they cave
Sue
That's not magical at all!
Devil
And it gets the job done
Sue
You're just a gangster from Hell
Devil
That's very kind of you
Devil
I'll throw in an extra box of Ferrero Rocher
Devil
Everyone wants this
Devil
These are my most popular requests
Devil
I learned to stop giving that one
Sue
I don't want people injured for me
Sue
I'll do my own studying
Devil
But studying is boring!
Devil
Look at your textbooks, Sue
Devil
Wouldn't you rather kick back and watch TV?
Sue
But I believe I should own those consequences
Devil
Good Heck, don't tell me you've gone ethical?
Sue
I feel like I've awakened
Devil
And what about your chocolates?
Devil
Sue, you're scaring me...
Devil
Surely, you'll start vegetarian?
Sue
No, any caged animals remind me of being in Hell
Sue
Give me endless kale and a daily planner
Devil
I've created a monster
Sue
No, you saved me from one
Devil
Kale and planners it is
Devil
Please, friends call me Daniel Devilston
Devil
Well, it was nice texting you
Devil
I just need you to sign a satisfaction survey
Sue
I'm not signing anything from you
Devil
I can understand that
Devil
If Persephone texts, this went well
Devil
Good luck in the coming year
Sue
I'd wish you the same, but then, you being the Devil and all...
