Best Break-Up - Episode 1
by Ian Kieffer
I roll out of bed, groaning.
My head is pounding like a drum.
I can hardly remember anything about last night.
But what I know for certain…
Is that I wasn’t a good girl.
I barely have time to reflect on my colossal screw-up, when all of sudden…
I get a FaceTime call from Jeremy.
Oh, god.
Do I answer?
It’s nearly noon.
If I don’t answer…
He might get worried and call my friends.
I decide to pick up.
We’ll just have a nice, normal conversation.
Then I can call him back once I’ve gathered my thoughts.
I run into the living room.
Ugh, I feel like I’m going to throw up.
Then I take a deep breath.
And I answer the call.
Hiiiiii.
Hey, babe.
Jeez, look at you…
I know, I know…
Fun night last night?
I went to a party.
I think maybe I overdid it.
I’ll say…
How are you?
Pretty good.
The sun just set here in London.
Cool.
I miss you.
I miss you too.
I say it fast, nodding my head…
Trying to ignore my guilt.
I was thinking, I—
All of a sudden, Jeremy stops.
Uh…what’s that?
What’s what?
I turn around.
And my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach.
It’s a hat.
And not just any hat.
Hey, I know that hat.
That’s Mike’s hat.
Oh…yeah…
What’s Mike’s hat doing there…
In your apartment?
I feel the weight of the world collapsing in on me.
I can’t lie. I just can’t.
I close my eyes and grimace.
Okay…
I need to tell you something…
Jeremy sits up straight.
A worried look comes over him.
Last night…
I, uh…
Well…I ended up kissing Mike.
I knew it…
The second I saw the hat.
I’m so sorry, Jeremy!
I was drinking, but that’s no excuse.
It was wrong no matter what.
Jeremy stands and begins pacing around his room…
Muttering to himself.
I can’t believe this.
I just can’t believe this.
Finally he whips around, furious.
I mean, what is wrong with you?!
I’m studying abroad for five months!
It’s not like I’m going to be gone for years in the army!
I know.
I don’t know what to say.
There’s no excuse.
Do you love him?
Of course not!
Do you love me?
I — it’s—
It’s complicated.
How is it complicated?
I’m your boyfriend, aren’t I?
We’ve been together over a year.
You should know if you love your boyfriend.
Yes, I love you.
I’ll always love you.
I’m just…
I’m not sure if I’m *in* love with you anymore?
I wince as I say the words.
But they’re the truth.
Jeremy takes a deep breath.
He flops back down into his chair…
Holding his head in his hands.
Wow…
I’m sorry, Jeremy. I—
All of a sudden…
A blonde girl barges through the front door behind Jeremy.
Her arms are filled with groceries.
Sweetheart!
I’ve got strawberries, champagne, and whipped cream!
I say we make a night of it, darling!
She stops dead in her tracks when she sees me.
Uh-oh…
Jeremy leaps up.
Other room. Other room, please.
I’ll be there in a second.
Who is that?
No one.
I’m no one?
He turns to her.
You know that’s not what I mean.
Then what do you mean?
Jeremy’s shoulders slump.
He slowly turns back to his computer.
Then sighs heavily before saying to himself:
D***…
June…
This is Tessa.
Tessa…
This is June.
Who I told you about.
I see…
And, um…
What exactly are you two to each other?
Tessa leans in boldly.
We’re dating.
Jeremy closes his eyes and grimaces.
I see!
Wow.
Now isn’t that fascinating?
Jeremy, quick question for you…
Were you planning on telling me about Tessa…
After you ripped me apart for kissing Mike?
Jeremy doesn’t say anything for a moment.
He quietly bows his head in shame.
Because I admit…
What I did was wrong.
But at least I told you.
You’re right.
I should’ve told you about Tessa.
I’m sorry.
How long has this been going on?
Two months.
Two months?
You’ve only been there for three months.
Yeah…
I don’t think it’s working out between us.
Is it?
I can’t help but chuckle.
What?
My chuckling quickly turns into laughing.
Which turns into belly-rolling, unbridled cackling.
What’s so funny?
This! All of it!
I try to speak between my laughs.
*Clearly* I’d say it’s not working out!
Jeremy smirks.
Then…before I know it…
He begins chuckling, too…
Then laughing uncontrollably.
And soon…
The two of us are a howling mess…
Like we were when we first got together.
Just a couple of people who love to laugh.
Oh my god!
I can’t breathe!
Me neither!
We both cheated on each other!!
Amazing!
Well, I guess technically you and Mike just kissed.
So it’s not as big of a deal.
Yeah, so, um, listen…
I finally calm down enough to get this part out.
About that…
I call out:
Hey, Mike…?
Jeremy’s eyes widen.
No way…
Then, all of a sudden…
Mike emerges from my room.
Stepping into the frame behind me…
In just his underwear.
He’s timid and cautious.
Hey, Jeremy…
Um, I slept over.
Everything is quiet for a moment.
For a second, I wonder if I’ve taken things too far.
Then…
Jeremy bursts into roaring laughter.
That is unreal!!!
I cannot believe this!
I start laughing again, too.
Me neither.
We should never have been dating.
The laughter eventually dies down.
I guess not.
But what do you say…?
Friends instead?
I nod.
I’ve never appreciated him more.
Friends.
We both smile.
Enjoy your strawberries and champagne.
Nice to meet you, Tessa.
Um…yeah…nice to meet you, too?
Enjoy your hangovers.
Good to see you, Mike.
Cheers.
Then, just before I exit the FaceTime…
Mike jumps up.
My hat!
I was wondering where that was!
I palm my face.
Jeremy giggles.
Something tells me…
This will be the best break-up of my life.
App