Ben
Dude, where are you??? Did she get the next clue!?
Ben
WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO!? YOU WERE MEANT TO GUARD THAT BOOK WITH YOUR LIFE
Alan
Her aggro girlfriend got it. Or part of it.
Alan
Only after she ripped it from my goddamn hands
Alan
Apparently she sent her friend to get the book.
Alan
She tore the page out, only after a guard got involved.
Alan
She was a beast! I was afraid for my life!!
Ben
Wait...She didn’t think you were the one leaving the clue, did she?!
Alan
No, she grilled me about it while she was trying to rip it from my hands.
Ben
YOU DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING DID YOU??
Alan
Chill! I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about.
Alan
By the way, some senior citizen’s hip is a casualty because of this
Ben
She’ll get a new one.
Ben
Anyway, moving onto what’s next...we’re on a schedule here
Alan
Can’t you like text her your feelings like a normal person??
Alan
You live right across the fucking street...
Alan
and you’re moving across the country in three days...
Alan
so when she shoots you down, minimal damages
Ben
First of all, how do you know she’s going to shoot me down?!
Alan
Seriously? She’s someone who gets invited to James Teague woods parties.
Alan
You’re a triple threat Choir dork/Band Geek/Star Wars nerd...
Alan
who works at Von’s as a bag boy.
Ben
Some might say that I’m a renaissance man.
Ben
And I can’t do normal here, man. She’s not normal.
Ben
She’s one of the most extraordinary people on this planet.
Alan
You haven’t spoken really or hung out since you were in elementary school.
Ben
Listen, when she first moved here...
Ben
she came knocking on my window in the middle of the night...
Ben
saying that she needed to get to the top of Mt. Wilson.
Ben
That it was an emergency.
Ben
The emergency was just to howl at the full moon...
Ben
which I learned after I stole some of my parents’ money...
Ben
and we took a taxi to the top.
Ben
I fell in love with her right there.
Ben
We were ten, and she got in so much trouble.
Ben
She was sent to go live with her Dad in Colorado for two years...
Ben
and then she just fell in with a different crowd when she came back...
Ben
but THAT’s the beginning of our story.
Ben
A story that starts off that good, doesn’t fizzle out just like that...
Alan
Yeah, but you don’t know her at ALL now.
Alan
You’re basing your current infatuation off her well-curated Facebook page...
Alan
and what you masturbate to while watching her through the blinds.
Ben
I don’t do that! And...we’re not friends on Facebook.
Alan
CASE IN POINT. And I’ve seen the jar of Vaseline on your desk.
Ben
If you’re done being a dick, can we just move on here?
Alan
I’m just trying to keep you from getting destroyed, man. And yes. Go ahead.
Ben
You gave your magician uncle the notecard, right?
Alan
Yes. He said he’ll do something cool with it.
Ben
Cool, how? I just want him to pull it out from behind her ear.
Alan
Well he might use some pyrotechnics or something.
Ben
No fire. I don’t want him to burn up the clue by mistake.
Alan
Probably smart. He’s not that great of a magician.
Alan
I’ve seen a lot of dead doves in his freezer.
Ben
Gross. Anyway, he knows when to do it?
Alan
After the song, right?
Alan
PS - I don’t think you’re being obvious enough on the notecard about where she’s supposed to go
Ben
She’ll get it. She’s not stupid.
Alan
Yeah, well it’s your funeral if you’re training an effing flash mob and she doesn’t show up tomorrow.
Ben
It’s 8:15, are you on your way over there?
Alan
Yes, why am I doing this again??
Ben
Because you’re my friend.
Ben
And you owe me after spilling coffee on my autographed Han Solo poster.
Ben
Remember, don’t let her see you.
Alan
I don’t want her donut-eating psycho friend to come near me again anyway.
Alan
If she does, you’re on your own.
Alan
I’m here. I don’t see her yet. And there’s a problem...
Alan
Uncle Perry apparently ate some bad chilaquiles and has been tossing up his insides in the bathroom.
Ben
Can you give it to another magician??
Alan
No. They’re all doing shows.
Ben
Do you still have that Phantom of the Opera mask from Halloween in your car??
Alan
It’s not Phantom of the Opera you idiot, it’s the Punisher’s mask
Ben
Well put it on, and give her the notecard
Alan
They’re not going to let me wear that in here! There’s a dress code!
Ben
THERE’S A DRESS CODE!? YOU DIDN’T TELL ME THAT!
Alan
Everybody knows that!
Ben
WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T!?!?!?! Will they turn her away at the door??
Alan
Yes. Shit. Maybe this will be doing you a favor...
Ben
NO IT WON’T! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! What do I do????
Alan
You don’t have to do anything, she just walked through the door wearing a dress :)
