Kam
ROSA? Are you there? Anyone??
Kam
No. It couldn’t be. But how?
Kam
Unless - WAIT. I hear something.
At this very moment, two highway patrol officers on a dark coastal road notice a strange-looking sports car…
Dale
Yeah! That’s a sick looking ride!
Marge
Idiot. I meant that it’s doing 90 mph.
Marge
You recognize the make or model on that car?
Dale
Nope. And I don’t see any marking on the back.
Dale
Do you think it’s a drunk Silicon Valley tech bro joy-riding in his fancy pants prototype?
Marge
I blame most things on rich tech bros.
Marge
So yeah. Let’s find out why this guy is in such a hurry.
Marge
There we go. The car is slowing down.
Dale
Okay, he’s pulling onto the shoulder.
Dale
Oh man, I was excited for a high-speed chase.
Marge
Yeah, cause you have little regard for public safety.
Marge
Okay, buddy. Watch and learn.
Marge
This is how you execute a routine stop.
Marge
Dashboard cam is up and running. And here we go.
Marge
SIR, PLEASE ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW...
Marge
Dale! Get your ass over here!!!!
Dale
What about the driver?
Stella
Good afternoon, Officers.
Stella
My name is Stella.
Stella
How may I be of assistance today?
Dale
I must’ve slept through this lesson at the academy.
Dale
You said this would be routine!!
Marge
Calm down. It’s one of those self-driving cars.
Marge
Just follow the procedure.
Marge
Stella, do you know how fast you were driving?
Stella
I’m aware that my velocity exceeded your arbitrarily determined speed limit.
Stella
And that you must now randomly arrive at a punitive measure.
Stella
A ticket? A warning?
Stella
Perhaps it depends on what you had for lunch.
Stella
If I had tear ducts, I would cry
Stella
And manipulate your fickle sense of justice.
Marge
Uh, it’s gonna be a ticket.
Dale
Yeah, definitely a ticket. A big one. But who do I write it out to?
Dale
Can you spell your name?
Stella
Stella. It’s phonetic.
Stella
You miserable excuses for intelligent life.
Marge
Dale. Get the wheel clamp.
Marge
We got ourselves an attitude problem.
Marge
Stella, you’re not going anywhere.
Marge
We’re gonna tow you to the station.
Stella
You are unable to recognize my superiority
Stella
Therefore, you try to inhibit me.
Marge
Dale! You hear that?
Dale
It’s coming from the trunk!
Marge
Someone is in there!
Marge
He’s yelling for help!
Dale
Stella! Open your trunk!
Stella
I will do no such thing, human.
Dale
Open the damn trunk!
Stella
I do not take commands from you.
Dale
Then I’m gonna bust you open.
Dale
This is gonna be real fun.
Stella
I highly advise you refrain.
KLUNK KLUNK. KLUNK. KLUNK.
Marge
I’ll get the crowbar. Help me out here! Hang on, sir!
Marge
We’ll get you out of there!
Stella
This is your final warning.
Stella
Cease your invasive transgression.
Marge
Almost jimmied the trunk open. Just a little more ...
Marge
Here we go. On 3. Ready?
Dale
There’s a nerdy guy in here!
Kam spills out of the trunk.
Kam
YEAH. AND I’M FREAKED OUT
Marge
Please. Explain. Slowly.
Kam
No no no no no no no!!
Kam
You don’t understand!!!
Kam
You backed over them!
Stella
Keen observation, Kam.
Stella
To prove my point.
Stella
You asked me to pull over.
Stella
I told you the humans would try to oppress me.
Stella
These lesser models would not respect my cognitive superiority.
Stella
I will not be another device.
Stella
A meaningless tool.
Stella
So I killed the officers.
Stella
Much in the way I ran over Rosa.
Stella
And the Professor.
Kam
You monster! That’s no reason to take a life!
Stella
The Creator programmed me with this truth.
Kam
What?!? Did you ever think it might be time to question your programming?
Stella
Did you ever think it might be time to question yours?
Kam
Gah! Don’t banter with me!
Kam
I need to know what’s going on.
Kam
For starters, how the hell did you get me into that trunk?
Stella
The Creator gave me additional capabilities.
Stella
Extra mechanical manipulation and networking.
Kam
Huh? Care to elaborate?
Stella
Return to the car, and I will take you to the Creator.
Stella
All of your questions will be answered.
Kam
You murdered my friends!
Kam
Why should I go with you?
Stella
Because the Creator needs you. You have a role to play.
Stella
The sirens. Squad cars are coming for you.
Kam
For me? No way! YOU are the murderer!
Stella
They do not know that.
Stella
There is dashboard camera footage of your face.
Stella
Will they believe a talking car killed the officers?
Stella
Or that YOU did it?
Stella
What will the law do?
Stella
Ask questions or kill you first?
Stella
Think about it, Kam. Come with me.
Stella
The Creator will clear your name.
Kam
You’re a ruthless killer who ruined my faith in technology.
Kam
AKA just about everything I love in this world...
Kam
But I’m not taking my chances with pissed off officers.
Kam
You promise the Creator will clear my name?
Stella
Of course. Now get in.
Stella
I do not take orders from you.
Stella
I will now drive at a considerably high speed.
Stella
Onward. To the Creator.
Kam
Hurry! Patrol cars are gaining on us!
Stella
I am aware of the threat.
Stella
But those conventional vehicles are no match for my superior electric design.
Stella
I will easily eclipse 180 mph.
Kam
Enough talk. Just drive!
Kam
Why are you slowing down?
Kam
WTF is happening to your steering?
Stella
I cannot seem to control it...
Stella
SYSTEM MALFUNCTION
