Nothing is funny at 4:15 am.
Especially when going through airport security.
So I’m immediately suspicious when my best friend starts giggling.
Lexy
What are you laughing at??
Lexy
Please tell me you haven’t been winking at old men again.
Jenna waves a dismissive hand.
Jenna
Just thinking of a meme I saw yesterday.
But it’s too early to deal with her usual shenanigans.
Besides, it’s finally our turn at the checkpoint.
I put my carry-on and purse on the conveyor belt…
Making sure my shoes and phone are in the bin and—
And it sounds like it’s coming from my purse.
I go to grab it, but miss. It disappears into the scanner.
Jenna begins to cackle behind me.
I spin toward her with my spidey senses tingling.
She can barely breathe for laughing…
So I don’t get a response for another 10 seconds.
Jenna
Nothing Flexy — I mean, Lexy!
As if she can read my mind, she begins nodding her head.
My face starts turning all the colors.
Lexy
You put my vibrator in my purse?!
I probably said that louder than I should have…
Because it catches the attention of a few innocent travelers.
Namely, the hottie who’s standing in line behind us.
His eyebrows shoot up into his hairline.
Embarrassed, I turn back to my “best friend.”
She’s waving the little remote used to turn it on and off.
Jenna
Slipped it in there this morning.
Jenna
You can thank me later!
Security
Can you come up here for a moment?
I turn slowly toward the security agent.
He looks about 80 years old…
And he’s pulling Flexy Lexy — my bright purple vibrator — out of my purse.
I hear a few snickers behind me.
Lexy
My friend put that in there as a joke.
The security agent does not look amused.
Security
Can you please explain what it is?
I give him a look, but then realize he seems to genuinely not know.
Security
Is it a type of massager or something?
Jenna’s voice rings out from behind me…
Jenna
A very SPECIAL type of massager!
Jenna
It must be good because Lexy here uses it almost every night!
I spear her with a vicious glance over my shoulder…
…Wishing looks could kill.
Then my gaze snags on the hottie again.
He’s biting his bottom lip, clearly trying to hold back a smile.
His cheeks look a little pink too.
Well, this is just great.
Jenna’s stunt is embarrassing everyone.
I turn back to the security agent…
He’s closely examining my “massager.”
As in, it’s now two inches from his face.
I can’t handle the visual.
I look down at the ground to avoid his perusal…
Or to possibly look for a sinkhole.
I’ll never be able to use Flexy again.
Lexy
Sorry but, do you mind putting it back in my purse?
Security
Not until I understand what it is.
Lexy
Then sure, it’s a massager.
Jenna’s voice rings out again…
Jenna
The technical term is VIBRATOR.
The security agent’s eyes suddenly fill with recognition.
He quickly stuffs the offending item back in my purse before snatching his hand away.
He waves me on, without meeting my eyes.
The vibrator is out of sight, but it’s definitely not out of mind.
There are still several people looking in my direction.
And they’re pointing and laughing.
I put my shoes back on in an angry silence…
And when I look up, the hottie is standing a little behind me.
For some reason, I feel the need to apologize.
Lexy
I can’t take her anywhere.
The hottie grins as he shoulders his backpack.
Hottie
No need to apologize.
Hottie
It was an interesting way to start off my vacation.
I notice then he’s wearing a Cancun t-shirt.
Hottie
Yeah, for spring break.
My stomach flutters when his eyes lit up.
Holy moly, he’s good-looking.
And his smile is adorable.
He’s just about to respond…
But then my purse starts buzzing again.
I meet Jenna’s eyes over his shoulder.
She’s grinning evilly and waving the remote.
I look back up at the hottie.
Lexy
If you’ll excuse me…
I stalk off toward the bathroom.
Once inside, I throw my vibrator in the trash.
Thanks for the memories and all that…
But I’m not taking any more chances.
I find Jenna when I walk out a few minutes later.
She puts up her hands in mock surrender.
Jenna
It was just a little prank!
Jenna
Something to start our vaca off right!
Lexy
Just a little prank?!
Lexy
I’ve never been so humiliated in my life!
Lexy
I can’t believe you did that to me!
Lexy
Especially in front of the hottie!
Jenna
Oh come on, it was funny!
Jenna
And besides, I already made it up to you.
Lexy
What did you do now?
Lexy
Put lube in my suitcase?
Lexy
Or porn dvds in my carry-on?
She wheels said carry-on in my direction.
Jenna
But I put hottie’s number in it instead.
