private chat between Carl and Bill
Carl
WTF happened last night?
Bill
You finally up? I thought you died in your sleep.
Carl
The house! Looks like Suge Knight rammed his car through here.
Carl
No. But a lot of dead weight: Jason is snoring in the bathtub & covered in tacos.
Carl
Susie is lying on the pool table - the 8 ball in her butt cheeks.
Carl
And there’s more trash here than the Kardashians at a trailer park.
Bill
It was an awesome party.
Carl
Must have been. I don’t remember.
Bill
You don’t remember playing Truth or Dare? How Andy took a dare to “hump the hummus”?
Bill
Yeah, and Bobby had to eat the leftovers!
Carl
Now I remember. And then Susie took vodka shots each time someone missed sinking a pool ball.
Bill
By the end of the night she covered the table.
Bill
She was very popular with your audience.
Carl
What audience? My blackout drunk guests?
Bill
How many brain cells did you kill last night? You don’t remember streaming the party?
Carl
Don’t know… don’t think I want to know...
Bill
You were live on video from 10 to 4. Almost 1,000 viewers!
Carl
Please don’t tell me I performed.
Bill
“All the Single Ladies” wearing Susie’s panties!
Bill
You collected donations, too.
Carl
Dude, there’s almost $500 here!!!
Bill
Congrats! That should relieve your hangover.
Carl
It sure helps. But how do I clean up this place before my parents get here?
Bill
No worries. I’m coming over to help you.
Bill
Just save me that 8 ball.
Carl
I think I’m missing Tommy. Did you see him when you left?
Bill
No. I didn’t see him when I came in either. Check his doghouse?
Carl
Empty - except for my mom’s necklace. One catastrophe averted.
Carl
What do I do now? Tommy’s their favorite pet. More than me.
Bill
Chill out. He’ll show up.
Carl
But what if he got kidnapped? Or a car ran over him?
Bill
Send out a message to your guests.
Carl
I did. They don’t remember anything. Useless degenerates.
Carl
I’m too embarrassed. But Tommy is like family, and my folks will be here in two hours.
Carl
Guess I gotta do what I gotta do…
Carl
152 Lakeshore Drive. A guy saw him sneak out during the party -
Carl
- and found him in his backyard with Susie’s panties in his mouth!
Bill
That dog must really miss you!
Carl
Bro, can you do me a favor?
Bill
I’m on it. Tell the guy I’ll be there in 1/2 hour to pick up Tommy.
Carl
You’re a real friend.
Bill
Just don’t expect me to touch the panties.
Carl
Dude, where r u? My folks will be here soon.
Bill
I’m stuck in traffic. Let me -
Carl
Bill? What happened?
Bill
Tommy jumped out the car window. Near Exit 23.
Bill
Can’t turn off. Traffic on both sides… sorry, man
private chat between Mom and Carl
Mom
Hi dear. We’re on our way. Did you miss us?
Carl
No, haha. When are you arriving?
Mom
We will be an hour late, I’m afraid. Your father hit a dog. And now we’re stuck in traffic.
Carl
Tell me when you get close, ok?
group message to live stream audience
Carl
I need a black Doberman dog. STAT!
Carl
I’ll pay $100 to the first one to deliver it to 17 North Congrove St. Must be here in 1 hour.
private chat between Carl and Bill
Carl
All kinds - good and bad.
Carl
Someone responded to my text to get a substitute dog.
Carl
So did 30 other people.
Carl
My home is like a rave at a dog shelter. It’s messier than when I woke up this morning.
Carl
I can’t get them to leave.
Bill
The dogs or the people?
Carl
Both. What do I do now?
Bill
I’m 15 minutes away. Let me handle it, and you go meet your parents at a nice restaurant.
Carl
Good idea. See if you can get the place in order while I stall my folks.
Carl
Dude, we finished dessert and now I’m in the bathroom and out of time.
Bill
Your neighbor found the real Tommy.
Bill
Don’t celebrate yet.
Bill
I couldn’t get rid of the other dogs, and the place is in bad shape.
Bill
Correct - all over the place.
Carl
I can’t face my folks. And I can’t slip out of the restaurant. Their table’s right by the bathroom.
Carl
I’m gonna punk out by text.
Bill
I’ll be here until you need me.
Carl
Maybe the last time you’ll see me.
private chat between Mom and Carl
Carl
Mom, share this with Dad if you don’t think he’ll kill me.
Mom
What is it dear? Do you need help in the bathroom. Ha Ha!
Carl
Mom, stop drinking for a second and listen:
Carl
While you guys were away I had a little party.
Carl
Everything’s fine, but I got freaked out when Tommy went missing.
Mom
Oh, dear. I was afraid of that.
Carl
But we found him by the neighbor’s house & he’s fine & don’t punish me please!
Mom
Dear, don’t worry. Your father thought he ran over him on the highway and killed the poor doggy. Thank God you found him.
Carl
So you’re not mad at me?
Mom
Of course not. It’s not like you invited all the dogs in the area to our home, right?
