My boyfriend Adam pulls me toward the funhouse doors.
Christie
I don’t know about this.
The front of the building looks like a giant clown…
With a gaping red mouth for an entrance.
Christie
Is it going to be scary?
Adam
For five tickets, it better be!
He knows how much I hate being scared…
But he never seems to care.
He tries to make me watch horror movies with him.
He tells me creepy stories when I’m trying to sleep.
And as soon as we got to the amusement park…
He insisted on heading here first.
Christie
Adam, I’m really not sure about this.
Christie
What’s in there?
The doors slam shut behind us.
We make our way down a dark hallway…
Into a large room decorated like a circus tent.
Bright stripes cover the walls.
Calliope music begins to play.
Christie
This isn’t so bad.
Adam
It’s completely lame.
Adam
I’m demanding a refund if…
I turn to follow his gaze.
There’s a clown in the corner.
It stands very still in an orange polka-dot costume.
Christie
Clowns are the worst.
Adam
You’re such a wimp, babe.
Christie
Let’s just keep going.
We have to pass the clown to move on.
The clown reaches toward us!
Its hand grazes my shoulder.
Adam cracks up as we enter the next room.
Christie
That wasn’t funny!
Christie
It tried to grab me!
Adam
It must have a motion detector.
Adam
What a fantastic prop.
Ignoring him, I glance around.
This room looks like a sideshow.
On small stages, mannequins demonstrate freakish talents:
Sword swallowing, fire eating, wild acrobatics.
Adam grumbles as we walk.
Adam
What’s scary about this??
He reaches into a display…
Knocking over a contortionist mannequin.
Adam
They’re just more props, babe.
And then I groan when I hear footsteps behind us.
Christie
Great, here comes security.
Christie
They’ll throw you out for making a mess.
Christie
At least then we can…
The words die on my tongue as I turn around.
The clown in the orange polka-dot costume is back.
It waves as it slowly lurches toward us.
Christie
I told you that thing wasn’t a prop!
Adam
It must be an actor, then.
Christie
But why is it following us?
Adam
It’s just messing with us.
But he doesn’t sound quite so cocky anymore.
We leave the sideshow and head down another dark hall.
At its end I suddenly see…
Adam
I’ve always wanted to try one of these.
We walk on, making turn after turn.
Soon, we’re completely lost.
The mirrors are EVERYWHERE…
And they’re angled to disorient us.
At first, Adam enjoys taking the lead.
As we keep finding dead ends, though…
I can tell he’s getting frustrated.
Christie
How do we get to the next room?
Uncertainty strains his tone.
Adam
We’ll figure it out.
I glance at our reflection in the nearest mirror…
Behind us, far off down the mirrored hall…
The clown in the polka-dot costume waves.
It takes a slow step toward us…
Dragging a baseball bat behind it.
Christie
Where did it get a bat??
I hear Adam’s breath catch in his throat…
And I realize he’s finally actually scared.
Adam
I’m sure the bat’s just a prop…
Adam
But let’s get out of here.
He looks around, trying to decide on a direction.
I can see that he’s shaking.
Adam
I don’t know where to go.
He presses his hands to the sides of his head.
Adam
I think I’m having a panic attack or something, I…
There’s a roar from the end of the hall.
The clown charges RIGHT FOR US.
And smacks into a mirror, cracking the glass.
I grab his hand and we take off.
As heavy footsteps stomp behind us, getting closer and closer.
I point down the mirrored hall.
An emergency exit sign flickers above a door.
Now I’m the one pulling Adam through the funhouse.
We reach the door and I give it a shove.
He throws all his weight against it…
We tumble out the door and onto the ground outside.
Adam whimpers and curls into a ball.
Christie
I finally got you.
His face is streaked with tears.
Christie
You finally know how it feels to be scared!
Christie
It’s not much fun, is it?
Adam
What about the clown??
Christie
That was your friend Mark.
Christie
I asked him to help me teach you a lesson.
Christie
It was Mark in a clown costume.
He’s carrying a clown costume.
Mark
I couldn’t find the funhouse you told me about.
I frown and point at the building we just exited.
Christie
It’s right here!
Mark shakes his head in confusion.
Mark
This old abandoned thing?
Mark
It looks like it hasn’t been in operation for years.
I run around to the front of the building.
Its paint is faded and flaking…
And its entrance is boarded up.
Christie
But we were just in there!
Christie
You were chasing us…
It’s covered in festive green stripes.
Christie
Where are the orange polka-dots?
I look where he’s pointing.
The clown in the orange polka-dots stands near the abandoned funhouse.
It waves and lurches toward us.
