Chasuble
But where did you deposit the hand-bag?
Chasuble
Miss Prism, this is a matter of no small importance to me. I insist on knowing where you deposited the hand-bag that contained that infant.
Chasuble
What railway station?
Chasuble
I must retire to my room for a moment. Gwendolen, wait here for me.
Miss Prism
If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.
Exit Jack in great excitement.
Gwendolen
What do you think this means, Lady Bracknell?
Jack
I dare not even suspect, Dr. Chasuble. I need hardly tell you that in families of high position strange coincidences are not supposed to occur. They are hardly considered the thing.
Noises heard overhead as if some one was throwing trunks about. Every one looks up.
Cecily
Uncle Jack seems strangely agitated.
Gwendolen
Your guardian has a very emotional nature.
Jack
This noise is extremely unpleasant. It sounds as if he was having an argument. I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing.
Gwendolen
It has stopped now.
Jack
I wish he would arrive at some conclusion.
Miss Prism
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
Enter Jack with a hand-bag of black leather in his hand. He rushes over to Miss Prism.
Chasuble
Is this the hand-bag, Miss Prism? Examine it carefully before you speak. The happiness of more than one life depends on your answer.
Chasuble
Miss Prism, more is restored to you than this hand-bag. I was the baby you placed in it.
Chasuble
Yes . . . mother!
Miss Prism, recoiling in indignant astonishment.
Chasuble
Unmarried! I do not deny that is a serious blow. But after all, who has the right to cast a stone against one who has suffered? Cannot repentance wipe out an act of folly? Why should there be one law for men, and another for women? Mother, I forgive you.
Tries to embrace her again. She remains still more indignant.
Pointing to Lady Bracknell.
Chasuble
Lady Bracknell, I hate to seem inquisitive, but would you kindly inform me who I am?
Jack
I am afraid that the news I have to give you will not altogether please you. You are the son of my poor sister, Mrs. Moncrieff, and consequently Algernon's elder brother.
Chasuble
Algy's elder brother! Then I have a brother after all. I knew I had a brother! I always said I had a brother! Cecily,--how could you have ever doubted that I had a brother?
Chasuble
Dr. Chasuble, my unfortunate brother. Miss Prism, my unfortunate brother. Gwendolen, my unfortunate brother. Algy, you young scoundrel, you will have to treat me with more respect in the future. You have never behaved to me like a brother in all your life.
Algernon
Well, not till to-day, old boy, I admit. I did my best, however, though I was out of practice.
Miss Prism
My own! But what own are you? What is your Christian name, now that you have become some one else?
Chasuble
Good heavens! . . . I had quite forgotten that point. Your decision on the subject of my name is irrevocable, I suppose?
Miss Prism
I never change, except in my affections.
Cecily
What a noble nature you have, Gwendolen!
Chasuble
Then the question had better be cleared up at once. Aunt Augusta, a moment. At the time when Miss Prism left me in the hand-bag, had I been christened already?
Jack
Every luxury that money could buy, including christening, had been lavished on you by your fond and doting parents.
Chasuble
Then I was christened! That is settled. Now, what name was I given? Let me know the worst.
Jack
Being the eldest son you were naturally christened after your father.
Chasuble
Yes, but what was my father's Christian name?
Jack
I cannot at the present moment recall what the General's Christian name was. But I have no doubt he had one. He was eccentric, I admit. But only in later years. And that was the result of the Indian climate, and marriage, and indigestion, and other things of that kind.
Chasuble
Algy! Can't you recollect what our father's Christian name was?
Algernon
My dear boy, we were never even on speaking terms. He diednbefore I was a year old.
Chasuble
His name would appear in the Army Lists of the period, I suppose, Aunt Augusta?
Jack
The General was essentially a man of peace, except in his domestic life. But I have no doubt his name would appear in any military directory.
Chasuble
The Army Lists of the last forty years are here. These delightful records should have been my constant study.
Rushes to bookcase and tears the books out.
Chasuble
M. Generals . . . Mallam, Maxbohm, Magley, what ghastly names they have--Markby, Migsby, Mobbs, Moncrieff! Lieutenant 1840, Captain, Lieutenant-Colonel, Colonel, General 1869, Christian names, Ernest John.
Puts book very quietly down and speaks quite calmly.
Chasuble
I always told you, Gwendolen, my name was Ernest, didn't I? Well, it is Ernest after all. I mean it naturally is Ernest.
Jack
Yes, I remember now that the General was called Ernest, I knew I had some particular reason for disliking the name.
Miss Prism
Ernest! My own Ernest! I felt from the first that you could have no other name!
Chasuble
Gwendolen, it is a terrible thing for a man to find out suddenly that all his life he has been speaking nothing but the truth. Can you forgive me?
Miss Prism
I can. For I feel that you are sure to change.
Dr. Chasuble, to Miss Prism.
Jack
My nephew, you seem to be displaying signs of triviality.
Chasuble
On the contrary, Aunt Augusta, I've now realised for the first time in my life the vital Importance of Being Earnest.
