Jake
Hey this is Jake. I left my phone in your car last night.
Jake
You dropped me off in Brooklyn.
Jake
Oh, okay, phew, I’m so glad you found my phone.
Jake
I’m calling you from my neighbor’s landline.
Driver
I dropped you at 189 First St.
Jake
Yeah that’s my address.
Jake
Um, how did you know the apartment number?
Jake
I don’t remember giving it to you.
Jake
Okay, well yeah, that’s me.
Jake
Can I come and pick up the phone?
Driver
You had a lot to drink last night.
Jake
Uh, yes, I did. It’s probably why I lost my phone.
Driver
You didn’t lose it.
Driver
You put it here. For me.
Jake
Hey man, can I just get it back?
Jake
My whole life is in there.
Jake
Wait. How did you unlock it? I have a passcode on it.
Jake
You remembered my passcode?
Jake
Um, did I say it out loud or something while I was talking on the phone?
Driver
You said many things.
Jake
Well, I would appreciate it if you would not look through it.
Jake
Can I come and pick it up now?
Jake
Okay, where are you?
Jake
I’ll be over in about 20 minutes.
Jake
Great. Should I bring some cash?
Jake
Do you want a small reward? I’m very grateful.
Driver
You are the reward.
Jake
I’m the reward? Huh?
Jake
I’m not really sure what your deal is, man.
Jake
But I’ll see you soon.
Jake
Which apartment are you?
Jake
Okay, I’ll be right there.
Three minutes later, Jake arrives at 188 Tenth Street and rings the buzzer of Apartment 1A.
He hears the driver’s voice over the speaker.
Jake
Um, do you think you could just come out here with the phone?
Jake
I’m kind of in a hurry.
Jake hears the buzzer and opens the door to the building.
He knocks at the door of Apartment 1A.
The room behind the man is dark.
Driver
Do you want your phone?
Jake enters the apartment.
Jake
What’s that weird smell?
Jake
And what are all these phones doing on the table?
Driver
Don’t you remember?
Driver
Because I remember.
Jake
You remember what? You keep saying that you remember!!
Driver
Do you see your phone?
Jake
What? No! There are too many of them.
Jake
I can’t tell which one is mine.
Jake
You’re freaking me out. I’m leaving.
Jake
I’ll just get a new phone.
Jake
Why is the door locked? What the hell?
Jake
There are dozens of phones on this table. And they’re all iPhones.
Jake
What kind of game is this, man??
Jake
Okay, I’m looking through each one.
Jake
I’m trying my passcode.
Driver
But that won’t help you now.
Driver
The bad review. It was from you.
Driver
I lost my license because of it. And now you will pay.
Driver
They will all pay.
Jake
The review I left for the driver who harassed my girlfriend?
Driver
Yes. I lost my job and my family because of that.
Jake
And what about all these other phones?
Driver
Those were the other bad reviews. Yours was the last.
Jake
What did you do to all of these other people?!
Jake
Oh god. That horrible smell. You didn’t…
Driver
I had to regain my honor.
Jake
I’m calling the cops.
The driver takes out a knife and stabs Jake, who falls to the floor.
Driver
You see, I remember the review you left of me.
Driver
I remember all the reviews.
Eventually a neighbor called police about the terrible smell in 1A.
The driver was caught and arrested.
The story was on all the front pages.
And from then on, New Yorkers never gave their Uber drivers anything less than five stars.
