I wake up in Austin’s bed…
To see him snapping photos of me.
To show me that he’s used an app to change my hair color and style.
Martha
What are you doing?
Austin
Trying to capture your beauty.
Martha
You’re not going to post those, right?
Austin
Oooh, I might have to.
I playfully grab the phone…
And see a photo of myself with photoshopped blonde hair.
Austin
I thought you could be fun as a blonde.
Martha
You don’t like my hair color?
Austin
Sure, but it clashes with mine.
Austin
So if we ever took photos together…
Austin
Like wedding photos…
Austin
You might want to change it.
I’m a little creeped out by this…
But I also can’t help feeling giddy…
Over the words “wedding photos.”
I see on the phone that it’s 7:30 a.m.
Martha
Oh my god! I gotta go!
I jump up and get dressed.
Austin
But I was going to make you breakfast.
Martha
If I show up at work wearing what I wore yesterday…
Martha
Tilla will destroy me.
Austin
Okay, then go to the office wearing nothing but my button-down shirt.
And playfully smother him.
Then I snuggle next to him.
Martha
I had fun last night.
Austin
It was more than fun.
He pulls me to him and we kiss.
After a few moments, I pull away.
Martha
I really have to go now.
Austin
I’ll call you an Uber!
As I’m waiting outside for the Uber…
I call up www.glitterbomb.com on my phone…
And buy a “special gift” for Tilla James.
I rush into work, but stop dead in my tracks…
When I sees Tilla covered in glitter.
I try not to smile as I settle in for work.
There’s a bag on my desk.
Tilla
The shoes you loaned to Kiandra.
Tilla
I had them cleaned for you.
I set the bag on the floor.
Something smells terrible.
Martha
Do you smell that?
Laura, the receptionist, appears.
Laura
Martha, Mr. James wants to see you.
I’m sitting across from Mr. James in his office.
Mr. James
I’m disappointed in you, Martha.
Mr. James
Austin told me about yesterday.
Oh my gosh. Why would Austin tell Mr. James that we had sex?!!
Mr. James
You’ve been working on the Kiandra report…
Mr. James
And your conclusion is that she needs to be more like Taylor Swift?
Martha
No! That’s not it at all.
Martha
I think Kiandra is pretending to be like Taylor Swift.
Martha
In fact, it seems like Kiandra…
Martha
Has always been pretending to be something she’s not.
Mr. James
And you think that’s a problem?
Mr. James
Now I’m really disappointed.
I look at him, uncomprehending.
Mr. James
Everyone in this industry is pretending, Martha.
Mr. James
I expected more from a smart girl.
Mr. James
Luckily, Austin is brilliant, and he’s got a handle on it.
Mr. James
You can go now.
Mr. James
And Martha — there’s no need to finish your report.
Mr. James
I get the gist.
I sit outside by the pool alone, eating my lunch…
As Mr. James’ words replay in my head.
What did he mean when he said “even I” was pretending?
Sure, my clothes are better now…
And I’m wearing more makeup…
But I’m still the same Martha, right?
I see Austin just outside the door…
Talking to another agent.
Austin, who apparently stabbed me in the back.
I set aside my lunch and walk over to him.
He quickly brushes off the other agent.
Austin
Hey there, hot scientist.
Austin
I’ve done zero work today…
Austin
Cuz I can’t stop thinking about last night.
Martha
You did get some work done.
Martha
You met with Mr. James.
Martha
You told Mr. James about my Taylor Swift comment…
Martha
Which isn’t what I meant…
Martha
And now he isn’t letting me finish my report.
Austin
I’ll make sure you get an A on your internship.
Martha
It’s not about the grade.
Martha
For the first time during this internship…
Martha
I felt like I was actually doing something valuable.
Austin
You are. I’m sorry.
Austin
I didn’t mean to ruin your report.
He seems sincere. I give in.
Martha
I’m just overreacting, I guess.
Austin
Let me make it up to you later.
Austin
Okay, back to work. Say hi to Tilla.
Austin winks at me and leaves me standing there.
To see Tilla packing up her purse.
Tilla
I heard Austin screwed you over this morning.
I look at her, surprised.
Tilla
Gossip travels fast.
Martha
He didn’t mean to.
Martha
Besides, if that’s what helps Kiandra’s career…
Tilla is clearly disappointed by my lack of concern.
Tilla
You know what? You’re not cut out for this.
Martha
Because I’m not upset?
Tilla
Because to survive in this industry…
Tilla
You have to be ruthless.
Tilla
And you’re not ruthless.
And swings her purse over her shoulder.
Tilla
The task list for the launch party.
Tilla
You’d better get started.
Tilla
I’m off to my nail appointment.
Martha
But these are your contacts!!
Martha
It will take me twice as long!
Tilla
Remember what my dad always says:
Tilla
“Work with what you got.”
Tilla
And I’ve got a pushover for an intern.
And I try to overcome my annoyance.
But that awful smell is back.
I realize that it’s coming from the bag next to my desk.
I open the bag and look inside…
Just as Laura walks in with her lunch.
Laura
Does it smell like dog poop in here?
Laura continues walking as I gasp and then almost puke.
My shoes are covered in dog poop.
Alright Tilla James. You want me to be ruthless?
I march over to Tilla’s desk and hunt through her drawers.
I grab all of her precious lip glosses…
Walk over to the supply closet on the other end of the building…
And hide them on the very top shelf, next to the ceiling.
I’m gonna work with what I got.
I chuck a folder labeled “Kiandra: Research" into my wastebasket.
I hear a knock at my door.
It’s Drew, holding a pizza in one hand…
And the doorknob — no longer attached to the door—
Drew
Whoa! This just came right off.
Drew
You know, I have been at the gym a lot lately.
He tosses the handle on my bed.
Drew
I came to see if you wanted any pizza.
Drew
Deb ordered your favorite…green goddess veggie!
I feel a glimmer of hope.
Martha
She did? Deb hates that pizza.
Drew
Well, I may have been the one who ordered it…
Drew
But it’s because I knew she would want it for you.
Martha
No thanks, I don’t need a fake apology pizza.
Drew
Listen Martha, Deb misses you.
Drew
It’s all she talks about.
Drew
Seriously. She never meant to “use” you.
Drew
And she’s really sorry.
Martha
Then why isn’t she here?
Drew
Because she’s still upset about the stuff you said.
Drew
But I think if you girls would just talk to each other—
I take the pizza out of Drew’s hands.
Martha
Thanks. I’ll consider it.
I turn away from Drew and pretend to be busy reading a magazine.
Drew leaves with a downcast expression.
I look at pictures of intense eye makeup in my magazine…
As I hear Deb, Jordan, and Drew talking and laughing downstairs.
I walk through the halls of JCA…
Wearing intense eye makeup…
When I come upon Austin talking to a client.
Austin signals for me to stay a minute…
As he continues talking to the client.
Austin
Absolutely. It’s gonna be a big year for you, man.
Client
Thanks man! I’m stoked.
Austin shouts out to him.
Austin
And I better be the first one to hear that new hit!
He turns to me with a grin.
Martha
Hey. Is he a new client?
Austin
Oh god, his music is terrible.
Austin
Yeah, yeah, that’s all bullcrap.
Austin
See, that guy sings with someone I really want to sign.
Austin
I’m making him my client for a year so I can get her.
Seeing the disapproval on my face…
Austin quickly changes the topic.
Austin
So I promised to make it up to you…
Austin
The whole Taylor Swift thing?
Austin
And I know how to do it.
Austin
Come with me to San Diego after the launch.
Martha
Like — on a vacation?
Austin
Yeah! Five-star hotel, room service…
Austin
Whatever you want.
I’m still put off by what Austin said about his client…
But I can’t help being excited about taking a vacation with him.
Martha
That sounds amazing.
Austin
I knew you’d love the idea.
Austin
Better get a new bikini!
I head into the kitchen, carrying a magazine.
It’s the one Trevor Holt gave me…
With the article about how hopeless it is to be single after college.
It also has an important article about trendy bikinis.
I set the magazine on the counter.
Deb is already there, making a sandwich.
We see each other, and it’s tense.
I set the magazine on the counter and reach into the fridge.
Martha
I’m just getting a soda.
Martha
You can have the kitchen.
I open my soda and grab the magazine.
Deb
You didn’t come home the other night.
Martha
I’m a grown woman.
Martha
I can sleep wherever and with whomever I want.
Deb
I don’t recognize this person anymore.
Martha
Because I don’t sleep at home?
Deb
No! Because you’ve turned into a mini-Tilla…
Martha
That’s a compliment. Kiandra’s cool.
Deb
You’d rather be cool than be a good person?
Deb
Maybe you are a good match for Austin.
Martha
What’s that supposed to mean?
Deb
It means he’s a superficial jerk who treats you like a child!
Deb
And the Martha I know, the real one, is way too good for him.
Deb
No, you want me to be wrong…
Deb
Because for some reason you think Austin’s your only option.
Martha
Awesome guys don’t grow on trees.
Deb
But sometimes they live in the spare bedroom.
Deb takes a huge bite out of her sandwich and leaves.
I trudge back to my room…
And throw the magazine on my desk.
I sip my soda and stare at the magazine, devastated.
How did I get to the point where Deb hates me?
I turn to the front of the magazine.
Oh wow. I forgot that Kiandra was on the cover.
I’m doing this for a reason.
And Deb is just jealous because my life is better now.
I mean, I actually know someone who’s on the cover of a magazine.
I look more closely at the cover photo and notice something.
Kiandra is wearing hipster Fibonacci Golden Ratio earrings.
Only a math geek would wear those!
And search for “Kiandra math.”
I click on a video clip from 2015.
It’s titled, “Q and A with Kiandra.”
She appears on the screen.
Kiandra
I think music is just like math.
Kiandra
In fact, if I hadn’t become a successful singer…
Kiandra
I would have gone to UCLA for math.
Inspired, I pull my “Kiandra Research” folder out of the trash.
I rifle through the contents…
Then I start typing feverishly on my computer…
And doing new internet searches.
Three hours later, my printer is ejecting sheets of paper.
I’ve finished my new and improved lab report on Kiandra.
I pause to look at one of the pages.
It features a picture of a young, nerdy Kiandra at a math competition…
She used to be a nerd! Just like me!
And her fans loved it. So why did she change?
Then I look in my mirror…
I’m wearing a ton of eye makeup…
Dark lipstick, bracelets, a trendy jacket…
And the earrings Kiandra gave me.
Taped to the corner of the mirror is a photo of me…
In it, I’m wearing a t-shirt and jeans and no makeup.
Safety goggles are on my forehead…
And I’m holding a science trophy.
I knock on Jordan’s door.
I open the door and see Jordan, shirtless…
Lying on his bed, reading a book.
Martha
Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to barge in.
Jordan
You didn’t. What’s up?
Martha
Can I ask you a question?
Martha
Do you think I’ve changed?
Jordan
Martha, I’ve only known you for like, two months.
Martha
I know, but you’ve been right about a lot of stuff and…
Jordan
Is this about Deb?
Martha
I shouldn’t have said those things at the video shoot.
Martha
I never meant to hurt either of you.
Jordan
You didn’t hurt me.
Jordan
You really think she’s this upset about a music video?
I consider this, for the first time.
Martha
No. She said she doesn’t recognize me anymore.
Jordan looks at me closely before he speaks.
Jordan
I’ve been getting to know you…
Jordan
And I think you’re fun, and silly…
Jordan
And that you have the absolute worst scary movie reactions.
Jordan does a hilarious imitation of me overreacting to a horror movie scene.
I laugh and hit him with a pillow.
Jordan
But when I met you, you did look different.
Martha
You mean I looked like a nerd.
Jordan
I thought you looked cute.
Jordan
I was like dannnng my new roomie is cute.
Jordan
So maybe all your problems started with this wardrobe.
Martha
What? I think I look good.
Jordan
Let me see those earrings.
Martha
These? Kiandra gave them to me.
I hand him the earrings. He inspects them.
Jordan
Yeahhh, they’re not you.
He tosses them on the bed.
He grabs my arm, which is covered in bracelets.
He slowly takes the bracelets off.
Jordan
And these? Nah, these ain’t right.
He tosses the bracelets aside.
Jordan
And what’s this jacket?
Martha
This is very in right now.
He pushes the jacket off my shoulders.
I take the jacket off the rest of the way.
I’m wearing a simple tank top underneath.
Jordan
We gotta do something about that lipstick.
He softly wipes my bottom lip with his thumb.
And we look into each other’s eyes.
And gives me a long, slow, amazing kiss.
Remembering the magical kiss I had with Jordan…
I’m jerked back into reality.
Tilla
I’ve looked everywhere.
Tilla
And I finally realized—
Mr. James comes out of his office…
Martha
Hmmmm. No, I don’t think so.
Tilla
Fine! Enjoy doing all my work today while I’m out shopping…
Tilla swings her bag over her shoulder…
But Mr. James steps in and blocks her.
Mr. James
Stop right there!
Mr. James
Has this been going on all summer?
Just like that, Tilla turns on the charm.
Tilla
What do you mean, Dad?
Mr. James
Tilla, you were just going to leave…
Mr. James
In the middle of the work day?
Tilla
I have a couple errands to run.
Mr. James
No wonder this whole company is going to absolute s***!
Mr. James
The agents are falling apart…
Mr. James
Kiandra is a nightmare…
Mr. James
And you two are playing with makeup?
Tilla sets her purse down.
She’s not going anywhere now.
Mr. James
The future of this company hangs on the digital launch party…
Mr. James
Which is in ONE WEEK!
Mr. James
Get your s*** together…
Mr. James
Or you’re both fired. For good.
Mr. James storms out of the room.
Tilla and I both stew in our own guilt.
Martha
I’m sorry. The lip glosses—
She sits down at her desk…
And begins working at her computer.
Martha
That’s great! We look forward to working with you again.
I hang up and call over to Tilla.
Martha
Okay, the catering company is booked.
Martha
They were embarrassed that their servers went on stage during our Fourth of July party.
Tilla
Are you kidding? Those guys saved us!
Martha
I know! But they don’t know that.
Martha
So they gave us a 20% discount!
Tilla
Wow. You actually did something useful.
I feel knocked down a peg by her comment, as usual.
Tilla notices this, and appears to soften.
Tilla
I’m gonna go grab a soda.
I’m stunned at Tilla’s little act of kindness.
A half-hour goes by and she doesn’t return.
Here I thought she was being nice…
When she clearly went out shopping after all.
It’s then that I hear an ambulance siren.
Laura rushes into the office.
Laura
She fell off a ladder!
Laura
I think she broke her leg!!
We rush to the front of the building…
And see a medic rolling Tilla out on a stretcher.
She’s clutching a plastic bag full of lip glosses to her chest…
The lip glosses I hid on the top shelf of the supply closet…
Which is right next to the soda machine.
Upon seeing me, Tilla’s eyes widen…
I feel racked with guilt.
I’m at home in sweats with my hair up in a ponytail…
As I spill everything to Jordan.
Martha
I’m the absolute worst person ever.
Jordan
Wait. The girl who fell…
Martha
And broke her leg…
Jordan
Is the one who’s been tormenting you all summer?
Martha
Oh, it started before this summer.
Jordan
Then why do you feel so bad?
Martha
Because I broke her leg!
Jordan
So what you’re saying is that you, Martha…
Jordan
Went into the supply closet…
Jordan
Shook the ladder she was standing on…
Jordan
And made her fall and break her leg.
Martha
She climbed up the ladder herself and fell.
Jordan
Okay, so you did not break her leg.
Martha
But it feels like I did!
Jordan
You know what you need?
Jordan and I are in the kitchen…
Assembling tacos as we talk.
Martha
Thanks for listening.
Jordan
I assume this is usually a Deb convo?
Martha
Yeah. I wonder what she’d say about this…
Martha
If she were still speaking to me.
Jordan proceeds to do his best Deb impression.
Jordan (as Deb)
You did NOT break that basic B’s leg.
Jordan (as Deb)
And besides, she deserved it!
And then look into each other’s eyes.
Jordan
But you’re not wearing any lipstick. Bummer.
Martha
I thought you didn’t like my lipstick.
Jordan
I don’t. But I like taking it off.
All the lights in the house go out. It’s pitch black.
Martha
Whoa, what happened?
Jordan
I’ll go check the circuit breaker.
Martha
Okay. I’ll grab a candle.
I find my way in the dark to my room…
And grab a candle off my desk.
I remind myself that I’m dating Austin…
So I can’t kiss Jordan again.
I hear Jordan call up the stairs.
Jordan and are in the kitchen…
Eating tacos by candlelight.
Martha
Do you think this house has ghosts?
Jordan
Are you trying to blame ghosts for all the stuff you’ve broken?
Martha
Hey! You’re always there when it happens.
Martha
Maybe it’s your fault!
Jordan
Or maybe the ghosts are trying to tell us something.
I do my best ghost impression:
Martha
Get ouuuuuut! This house is falling apaaaaaaaaart!
Jordan
Oh, I’m not getting out.
Jordan
The ghosts are working for me.
Jordan
I'm not sure we would have kissed if I hadn't saved you.
Jordan
And I’m really glad we kissed.
Martha
You want more tacos?
But Jordan cuts me off with a kiss.
After the kiss, he cups my face in his hands.
Jordan
Martha, I wasn’t looking to fall in love this summer.
Jordan
But I’ve never met anyone like you.
The flame on the candle goes out.
Jordan leans in for another kiss…
But before his lips meet mine, I stop him.
Martha
Let me get another candle.
When I come back with the candle…
I see Jordan looking down at my phone…
Which I left on the counter.
His expression is both sad and guilty.
Jordan
The phone was right there.
I look down and see that Austin has sent a photo of me on his bed.
With the photo is a text:
Austin
Excited about our trip to San Diego.
This time there’s a still caption of Jordan’s music video…
Austin
Watched the video. You were right, so dumb.
Jordan and I both look down at the text…
What kind of person have I become?
