Tim and I burst through the front door of his house.
I shove him against the wall…
And he kisses me, hungrily.
We pull apart for a moment…
Each with an impassioned smile spreading across our face.
Then, it’s Tim’s turn to push me against the wall.
Tim
Greta, you’re amazing.
Tim
You’re so cool, and such a good writer.
Tim
Your voice is so unique.
Okay, enough with the talking.
I push off the wall and lead Tim down a candle-lit hallway.
We step on a trail of rose petals as we go.
We get to Tim’s bedroom door, and struggle to get it open.
Finally, the door bursts open.
Our clothes start coming off in a hurry.
Now we’re completely naked…
And the passion continues.
I’m fully in control and more confident than I’ve ever felt.
Greta
Do you have a condom?
Tim reaches under the pillow and pulls out a condom.
We move under the blankets as Tim opens the condom wrapper.
And hear a terrible, piercing noise.
Greta
Yeah — do it. Please.
My head is on Tim’s pillow.
And the noise gets louder…and louder.
And take out my retainer.
I sit up and get a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
Yesterday’s mascara is flaking down my cheek.
I can’t stop thinking about Tim.
I’ve had that same dream three times since Tim and I fooled around on Friday night…
I fooled around at a party with my childhood best friend, Tim…
Who is way more popular than me…
And we both confessed our feelings.
But we’ve barely talked since then.
I mean, he did text me the next day to see how I was…
Well, okay, I didn’t play it cool.
I essentially wrote a novel in response to his “Hey, what’s up?”
Did I ruin everything by doing that?
And continue to obsess about Tim…
While taking a shower and putting on my jeans.
It’s no big deal that he didn’t text me back yet, I decide.
I just have to get back to being a chill girl.
It’s not like he got back together with Stephanie or anything.
I mean, come on, they’ve been broken up for two whole weeks.
He’s probably just a bad texter, right?
I take off my third t-shirt…
And replace it with a fourth one.
Then I stride into the kitchen…
And put my bag on the counter.
My mom and dad are already there…
Waiting for their morning coffee to brew.
I grab some juice from the fridge.
So, yeah, I’m clearly very calm about this whole situation…
And totally okay with seeing Tim today at school.
I’ll just be like, “Hey, what’s up?”
As I drink my juice, I get a FaceTime call from CJ, my best friend.
She never calls me before school.
She immediately confronts me.
CJ
I can’t believe you hooked up with Tim and didn’t tell me!
I glare at CJ over the phone…
Then look over at my parents.
Fortunately, they didn’t seem to hear what she said.
I grab my bag and hurry out the door.
Once outside, I lean against my car.
Greta
How’d you find out about that?
CJ
Greta, I hear about everything.
CJ
There’s a reason I have 1,200 followers on IG.
CJ
Ummm, probably like everyone.
Greta
Everyone, everyone?
CJ
Well, the soccer team knows…
CJ
And if they know, then everyone knows.
CJ
But can we get back to the part about how you didn’t tell me…
CJ
Your best friend in the whole world…
CJ
That you had sex with Tim?
Greta
What?! We didn’t have sex.
CJ
Then why didn’t you correct me when I said you hooked up with him?
Greta
"Hooked up" can mean a lot of things.
CJ
And to be clear, everyone thinks y'all had sex.
I hang up and yell into the air…
Startling my next-door neighbor in her driveway.
As I drive to school, I fret incessantly.
I’ve seen this movie before.
Whenever teens think you had sex with someone who is newly single…
They do stuff like write obscenities in lipstick on your locker…
And photoshop nudes of you…
And email them to the entire school anonymously.
I mean, it’s not like I’m a virgin or anything.
I had sex with my ex, Joe…
But that didn’t exactly register on the teen Richter scale.
People know and love Tim, though.
Plus, he’s a total heartthrob.
I park my car and enter the school…
Trying to walk down the hall as inconspicuously as possible.
It’s like 40 yards from here to the writers' room.
I just gotta get in there unnoticed…
And then everything will be fine.
But my plans are dashed when I see Dirk and Girk approaching.
Dirk and Girk are total soccer bros…
And Tim’s inseparable best friends.
They are best known for hitting on literally anyone.
I keep walking, hoping they won’t say anything.
Dirk
Greta! What’s up, girl?
Greta
Hey guys. What’s up?
Girk
Well, we heard you and Tim, ya know…
Girk
Talked after the party the other night…
Girk
And we just wanted to say how excited we are for y'all.
Fortunately, Girk and Dirk get distracted by another student dressed just like them.
Dirk slaps the student’s books out of his hand.
Girk checks him into the lockers.
I quickly turn into another hallway…
On full alert for anyone else who might say something to me.
He might be giving me a weird look…
So I go on the offensive.
Greta
What are you looking at, Lars?
Greta
I don’t owe you an explanation!
Lars looks confused and hurt.
Lars
Geez, Greta, just because you hooked up with a jock…
Lars
Doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
Then CJ bursts into the hallway…
And pulls me into the writers' room.
The writers' room doesn’t look like much.
It just has a few computers, some communal desks, and a lumpy couch.
But for a 16-year-old like me…
It’s a glorious hideaway from the rest of high school life.
And it’s where I write my column for the school newspaper.
CJ leads me to the couch and we sit down.
CJ
Greta, what were you thinking out there?
CJ
You can’t be ragging on random nerds…
CJ
After one minute in the teen drama spotlight.
CJ
You need to take this seriously, Greta.
CJ
Now that you’re with Tim…
CJ
You’re officially on the map.
CJ traces a map with her hands, charades style.
CJ
You now live in a city called Popular Adjacent.
CJ
It’s the place where all of the normie partners of famous or popular people go…
CJ
Like the dude who dates Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
Greta
But Tim and I aren’t even a thing yet, CJ.
CJ quickly erases the imaginary map with her hand.
CJ
Wait, are you telling me that you haven’t even talked about it with him?
CJ
You gotta talk to him. Like today.
Greta
Yeah, but he didn’t respond to my last text.
CJ looks at me knowingly.
CJ
How long was the text, Greta?
At that moment Joe, my ex, walks into the room.
Joe is kind of a Timothée Chalamet wannabe.
He thinks of himself as a hipster intellectual.
As usual, he’s wearing all black.
Joe also writes for the school paper…
Which was cool when we were dating…
Joe
Hey Greta, can we talk?
CJ
I’m sure it’s easy to miss…
CJ
But this is sort of a no-ex situation.
Joe
Yes, CJ, I get it — you have a personality.
Joe
But can you please leave Greta and me alone for a minute?
CJ looks like she’s not going to budge.
Greta
It’s fine, CJ. I don’t mind.
Now it’s CJ’s turn to roll her eyes.
She gets up and stalks out of the room.
Frustrated, he sits down on the couch.
Joe
Listen, I know we’re like, not talking or whatever.
Joe
But I need to hear it from you…
Joe
Did you really hook up with Tim Ito?
He takes my silence for a yes.
Joe
Tim? Really? Why him? How could you?
Greta
Have you ever talked to Tim? He’s really nice.
Joe
He’s a jock! Look, just tell me…
Joe
Did you really…have sex with him?
Greta
It shouldn’t matter.
Greta
We didn’t have sex…
Greta
But yeah, we made out…a lot.
Joe
You made out — a lot? Who does that?
Joe
You know, whatever, Greta.
He gets up and starts to walk away.
Then, dramatically, he turns.
Joe
It’s just — what I don’t get is how you could move on so fast.
Greta
It’s been two months!
Joe
This is why I don’t mess with high schoolers.
Greta
Joe, you’re in high school.
Joe
Has Tim even read anything you’ve written?
Joe
Does he actually know you?
Greta
We grew up together, so yes.
Joe
But does he know you the way I know you?
Wait. Is Joe about to kiss me? Now?
Sure enough, he leans in for a kiss.
Joe looks at me, shocked.
Then he storms out of the room.
CJ and I are spying on Tim from our lockers.
CJ
I feel like I have courtside seats to a Lakers game.
Greta
Do you think I should just go talk to him?
CJ
Yes, or else you’re going to do that thing…
CJ
Where you spin out and obsess about it.
CJ
But you’re already doing that…
CJ
So yeah, just go talk to him.
I look down the hallway at Tim and steel myself.
Greta
Okay, one small step for Greta…
Greta
One big step for…also Greta.
I take the first step, but then CJ grabs my arm.
CJ
Just remember, he had his tongue in your mouth like, 72 hours ago.
And see that he’s been staring at me.
At that very second, Stephanie…
Tim’s effortlessly well-dressed and confident ex…
May I present Stephanie Lee:
With over 10,000 followers on, like, everything…
Daughter of a super-successful music producer…
Stephanie is like the anti-me.
She’s popular, super-confident, and cool.
I mean, just look at her.
I watch from afar as Tim and Stephanie have an intense conversation.
No one knows why they broke up — not even CJ.
I do know that if Stephanie wants Tim back…
Then I don’t stand a chance.
I turn back to CJ, who gives me a supportive nudge.
CJ
Hey, it’s totally fine.
CJ
Stephanie isn’t even that cool.
CJ
Honestly, on the cool rankings…
CJ
We’re really not that far below Stephanie.
Greta
I know you’re lying, but thanks.
And CJ and I walk away arm in arm.
CJ
We’re so freaking cute.
I’m in Mr. Maczerian’s English class…
A class I have with both Tim and Joe.
Mr. Mac is the kind of teacher who smokes weed at home…
And doesn’t care if you know it.
His shirtsleeves are rolled up…
And he’s wearing classic blue jeans and glasses.
We’re discussing Catcher in The Rye.
Mr. Mac leans casually at a podium at the front of the room.
He strokes his beard before speaking.
Mr. Mac
Okay, so Catcher in The Rye.
Mr. Mac
I’d really like to hear some of you speak to the tone of the book.
Everyone looks down at notebooks, their shoes…
Anything to avoid the question.
Mr. Mac
So, I assume none of you did the reading?
Mr. Mac
Come on guys, it’s me! Mr. Mac!
Mr. Mac
You can be real with me.
I look back at Tim, who catches me looking at him.
Of course I did the reading.
I even color-coded my notes.
But I’m not about to nerd out in front of Tim right now…
Especially when we haven’t even talked yet.
I glance back around at Tim…
And see him ever so tentatively raise his hand.
Mr. Mac
Tell us what you think about the tone of this riveting novel!
I stare with wide-eyed surprise at Tim.
He never raises his hand.
Tim
Well, to be honest, the tone is…whiny.
There are some grunts of agreement.
Tim
Holden pretty much just complains all the time.
Tim
And it’s a kind of a bummer.
Wow. I can’t believe Tim spoke up in class.
I feel like maybe he’s trying to…impress me?
I glance over at him again…
But he avoids eye contact.
Mr. Mac
Okay, Tim, that was pretty vague.
Mr. Mac
But it’s good to hear from you.
Mr. Mac
So, do you think there’s a reason Salinger wrote this in a so-called “whiny” tone?
Tim
I think I filled my quota for the semester on class participation.
Joe side-eyes Tim, and then casually raises his hand.
I can tell Mr. Mac knows what’s coming:
Some high-minded bull****.
Mr. Mac
Okay, Mr. Foster. Let’s hear it.
Joe sits up straight, looking smug.
Joe
Look, Mr. Mac, it’s easy to say Holden is whiny.
Joe
We get that from page one.
Joe
But that’s not the point.
Joe
The point is, he’s actually really isolated.
Joe
Yeah, he’s sarcastic and judgmental.
Joe
But those are defense mechanisms to hide his insecurities…
Joe
And lack of ability to form genuine connection.
I honestly can’t tell if Joe is trying to embarrass Tim…
Or if he just likes to hear himself talk.
Joe
I’d say anyone who writes Holden off as just a whiny, entitled teen…
Joe
Lacks a certain amount of emotional depth.
Joe
I mean, Holden is just another lonely human searching for companionship.
Joe
I feel like that’s pretty obvious.
Joe leans back in his seat with a smug shrug.
Mr. Mac looks utterly exhausted by his soliloquy.
Mr. Mac
Okay, well, thank you for that, Joe.
Mr. Mac
And on that note, I’m going to let you guys go a little early.
Everyone packs up immediately.
I slide out of my desk and start to leave…
When Tim catches up to me.
I look at him nervously, unsure of what to say.
Greta
Look at you, participating in class.
Tim
Yeah…well, it was overdue for me to say something.
Greta
You should speak up more often!
Tim
Look, Greta, have you been avoiding me today?
Greta
What? No, I haven’t even seen you today.
Tim
I’m pretty sure I saw you looking directly at me in the hallway…
Tim
And then you walked the other way.
Greta
Yeah, but you seemed busy.
Greta
You were talking to…people.
Greta
I didn’t get a good look.
Greta
It could’ve been anyone.
Tim
Look…I just wanted to say…
Just then, Stephanie walks by casually and nudges Tim.
Stephanie
Yo, we’re gonna be late.
Tim nods at Stephanie, who continues to walk…
Albeit at a slower, you-can-catch-up-with-me pace.
Tim
Listen, I think we need to talk.
Tim
Are you free after school?
I look at Stephanie and get a bit frazzled.
Tim
Cool, coffee after school.
Tim catches up with Stephanie…
CJ and I are jogging very slowly around the school track.
Other students pass us as we chat.
As a valued member of the school’s running club…
I can run faster than this…
But I’m pretty sure I messed things up with Tim…
And I need to talk through it.
Greta
Okay, so, on a scale from friendzone to f***buddy…
Greta
How bad is this conversation with Tim going to be?
CJ
I mean, after he called you out on avoiding him all day…
CJ
I’d say, a solid friends with benefits.
Greta
Right. Okay. And I should…
CJ
Say you’re down for it, Greta!!
Greta
Right. I’m down for casual!
Greta
I love casual! No strings. No labels.
Greta
Cool girl stuff. Easy.
Great. This is gonna be like Kristen Stewart’s performance in Twilight:
CJ
Trust me, dude. Tim is gonna play this cool.
CJ
So you’ve got to play it even cooler.
Then I hear a familiar voice.
CJ
Oh s***. She definitely just—
Greta
Heard everything we said?
I’m standing in front of a sink in the locker room.
I’m giving my makeup and hair some extra-special attention.
Saying that I’m nervous to meet Tim would be an understatement.
And starts primping at the sink next to me.
She’s less done-up, but somehow more put-together than I am…
Stephanie
Well, someone is getting very made-up just to leave gym class.
Stephanie
I’m just messing with you, Greta.
Stephanie
You’re going to meet Tim, aren’t you?
Stephanie
There’s something you need to know, Greta.
Stephanie
Tim and I tell each other everything.
Stephanie
Just like you and CJ.
Stephanie
We’re best friends.
Stephanie
I’ll see you around, Greta.
Stephanie
Hopefully, we can be friends, too.
Stephanie
Seriously, I’d like that.
Looking at myself in the mirror.
She clearly wants him back, right?
I’m on my way to the coffee shop…
Still brooding about Stephanie.
I mean, I’ve heard of exes still being friends, but not like that.
She was totally threatening me, wasn’t she?
And then saying she wanted to be friends.
Who does that besides super-villains?
I’m so lost in my own thoughts…
That I almost bump right into Tim…
Who’s already waiting outside the coffee shop with a drink in hand for me.
Greta
Woah! Uhh – I didn’t see you there.
Tim
Well, you seem rattled.
Greta
I…I guess I’m a bit nervous.
Greta
Well, maybe we should go in?
Tim opens the door for me, and we walk in.
We find a quiet table near the window and sit down.
Tim
So, what’s been up with you today?
Greta
Well, you didn’t text me back…
Greta
So I thought, maybe…I don’t know…
Greta
And then this morning I heard you told everybody…
Tim
No, I never said that.
Tim
I just said that we, you know, “hooked up.”
I feel so validated in my interpretation of that phrase…
And can’t wait to tell CJ.
Tim
I didn’t even mean to say that much.
Tim
I was just excited, and they were pressing me for details…
Greta
And what about not texting me back?
Tim
Honestly, your response — it was really long…
Tim
And I figured we’d just talk today.
Greta
Yeah, I have long-text disease.
Greta
It’s cool that you didn’t answer.
Tim
I should’ve responded…
Tim
I’m just a bad texter.
Greta
Well, yeah, you can always call me.
Greta
That’s what…friends do, right?
Greta
Or not — I’m not a big labeler.
Tim seems a bit confused.
Greta
Yeah…we can keep it casual?
As I say this, I feel like I’m dying.
Tim
Well, Greta — the thing is…
Tim
I do like labels and clarity.
Tim
And I was kind of hoping that we could…
Tim
Define what we’re doing.
Tim
What I’m saying is, Greta I like you…a lot.
Tim
I wasn’t lying to you at the party. I meant it.
Greta
Well if we’re being honest, I gotta come clean:
Greta
I actually love labels, too.
Greta
I just said I didn’t like labels because I’m so nervous.
Tim
Well stop being nervous because…
Tim
Greta, I’m very into you, and I’m down for this.
Tim
I was kind of hoping you’d be my girlfriend.
Now I feel like I’m having a stroke.
But somehow, I’m able to speak.
Greta
Ummm, I was hoping for that too.
Greta
You didn’t actually ask.
Tim
Greta, will you be my girlfriend?
You know, just to build up some suspense.
And then I give him my answer.
Greta
Yeah. Yes! I’ll be your girlfriend…
Greta
As in currently, right now, and for a while.
Tim laughs, and we kiss for a long time.
I see Stephanie standing outside the coffee shop…
She stares at us for a second longer…
With a mysterious look on her face…
I decide not to worry about Stephanie right now…
And lean in for another kiss.
