Prisoner3282
I should have known you would put messaging systems in your cells.
Prisoner3282
Is this the latest way to torment your prisoners?
Captain
Torment? My dear, this is the most convenient method of communication.
Prisoner3282
Convenient for you. The only thing worse than being trapped in a room with a datapad connected to you would be for you to be in here yourself.
Prisoner3282
What if I hack this and send out an emergency call?
Captain
You and I both know that you’re not bright enough to do that, your highness.
Prisoner3282
Then I suppose that makes you smart enough to call me out on my bluffs.
Captain
I will take that as a compliment.
Prisoner3282
Is this your idea of fun? Insulting your prisoners through the datapads, not even giving them the dignity of showing your face?
Captain
I have better things to do than to discuss frivolities with you face-to-face, your highness.
Captain
Discussing your ransom with the greater intergalactic community. You’re causing quite a fuss, I’ll have you know.
Captain
News reports reaching all the way to the edges of the planetary system.
Prisoner3282
As they should.
Captain
Don’t be arrogant, Princess. We’re far from any help. Your friends have no chance of finding us.
Prisoner3282
I’m thrilled.
Prisoner3282
So tell me. How much ransom is this little stunt going to rack up for you space pirates? Five million?
Captain
You greatly overestimate your importance.
Prisoner3282
What, so three million?
Captain
Enough that, if they refuse, you are not worth negotiating.
Captain
We will simply dispose of you through the garbage shoot.
Prisoner3282
How comforting. Glad to see that all your efforts could literally go to waste.
Prisoner3282
I should get captured more often.
Prisoner3282
My puns become priceless.
Unknown User
Myra, can you see this?
Unknown User
Don’t react!
Unknown User
And don’t answer me!
Captain
Believe me, nothing would give me more pleasure than to see the life sucked out of you as your pieces scatter through space.
Unknown User
If you can see this, scratch your ear with your left hand.
Unknown User
Amazing!! Myra, this is Zahra. The space pirates don’t know that I’ve hacked their messaging system AND their video surveillance. Only your screen can see this. I’m on the ship.
Captain
What, speechless? This must be a first.
Unknown User
Keep talking to Finn like nothing has changed, but listen to me closely. I’m going to get you out of here. But you have to do exactly as I say.
Prisoner3282
...This definitely is a first.
Captain
However, there is one way I may be willing to make compromises regarding your case.
Captain
Lower your ransom.
Captain
Give you back with your limbs intact.
Prisoner3282
I highly doubt I want to hear this.
Captain
Well, I’ve ensured only the greatest comfort in your cell, your highness.
Captain
If you can think of a clever way to use your luxurious four-poster bed, I would be far more convinced to take you back to Earth only slightly soiled.
Prisoner3282
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Captain
It’s a tempting offer, is it not?
Captain
I could offer to spit you out into space right now if you do not agree, but I am certainly more of a gentleman than that.
Prisoner3282
I’m not afraid of you.
Captain
But you ARE attracted to me.
Prisoner3282
How dare you!!
Captain
Come now, your highness, don’t deny your feelings.
Prisoner3282
Shut your mouth.
Prisoner3282
I will NEVER accept your offer, do you hear me?
Prisoner3282
I would rather be ripped into tiny pieces and vacuum-sucked into space.
Prisoner3282
I would rather run this entire ship into the next black hole we pass.
Prisoner3282
I would rather never see my family again.
Prisoner3282
You’re the speechless one now.
Prisoner3282
I hope I’ve made myself clear, and if I haven’t:
Prisoner3282
Go to hell, you down-low, dirty, infuriating pile of shit!!
Captain
You tell him, Myra!
Captain
Just used the air vents to sneak into Captain Finn’s main office!
Captain
Knocked him out cold while he was chatting with you, so thanks for the distraction.
Prisoner3282
Oh thank God, Zahra!! Be careful, he’s got pirates swarming the ship. Don’t let them catch you!
Captain
Don’t worry about me, big sis. I just need to figure out where the controls to your cell are.
Captain
They must be around here -
Captain
Oh no he’s waking up
Prisoner3282
Oh god oh no no no no
Prisoner3282
Zahra please talk to me please
Prisoner3282
Don’t let him get you too!!
Captain
Your little sister is quite skilled at combat but she is no match for me.
Captain
What an asshole Myra. Don’t worry I got this
Captain
Please. This pathetic excuse for royalty has no chance
Prisoner3282
ARE YOU TWO FIGHTING OVER THE SAME DATAPAD AND INSTANT MESSAGING ME MID-COMBAT?
Prisoner3282
ARE YOU INSANE?
Prisoner3282
PAY ATTENTION FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
Prisoner3282
Seriously, if you two hadn’t been communicating with me, this fight would be over by now.
Prisoner3282
Wait is it over??
Prisoner3282
I didn’t actually mean for you two to stop talking to me.
Prisoner3282
Someone say something!!
Captain
Myra I’m here. Gave Finn a blaster right to the heart. He won’t be waking up now.
Prisoner3282
ZAHRA YOU’RE ALL RIGHT
Captain
I’m opening up your cell and executing permissions for one of the escape pods.
Captain
Meet me on the first floor, starboard side. It’s just down the hall from your cells.
Prisoner3282
What if I’m caught??
Captain
Myra. I just killed the captain of the biggest fleet of space pirates in the galaxy. If I can do that, you can run down the hallway.
Captain
Your cell should be opening now!
Captain
Good! Meet me at the escape pod. It’s time to get us home!
