DIMITRI
Yo bro, what r u saying?
BRYAN
Nicole knows. She’s coming over.
BRYAN
Yo, it’s happening. She’s nuts! Cover your ass!
DIMITRI
She’s going to my apartment???
BRYAN
She’s going to Cherie’s.
DIMITRI
But I’m at Cherie’s!!!
BRYAN
I think that’s the idea.
DIMITRI
Yo, how’d she find out?
BRYAN
Yo, you better put your pants on.
BRYAN
She got her mace and her brother’s gun.
BRYAN
She said she gonna use them on u and “that little fake Britney wannabe”
DIMITRI
Pants on, bro. I’m outta here!
DIMITRI
She’s on her own.
BRYAN
Where you gonna go?
BRYAN
Come to me, man. I’m home, chillin’. You aint seen my new crib yet.
DIMITRI
All right, yeah. Regroup there!
BRYAN
So I’ll see you in 20, right?
DIMITRI
Crap, bro, she’s coming! SMFH!
DIMITRI
She was pulling up right outside the building.
BRYAN
ROTFLMAO! U Sure it’s her?
DIMITRI
Well it’s her car.
DIMITRI
I didn’t knock on her window to confirm.
DIMITRI
Nah, I was already in my car.
DIMITRI
I just turned down Victory Boulevard.
BRYAN
All right bro, close one.
DIMITRI
Crap man she right behind me! She’s brighting me!
BRYAN
IMHO man, u kind of asked for it.
DIMITRI
She’s honking! She’s brighting me!
BRYAN
Get on Hylan Ave, its quicker to my house.
DIMITRI
All right, we gonna lose her in the traffic.
BRYAN
Where are you, near Bay Street?
BRYAN
Ok, let the light get yellow, then blow the red.
BRYAN
The red there lasts forever.
DIMITRI
Gdamnit, man! She’s stuck at the light but there was a flash!
DIMITRI
One of them camera lights, I’m gonna get a 250 ticket!
BRYAN
Yeah I forgot that was there.
BRYAN
Well turn down Smith then turn on Peterson.
BRYAN
Quieter street. No lights. Book it!
DIMITRI
I’ll be there soon, bro, this is crazy-
DIMITRI
Crap, he wants me to pull over!
BRYAN
Damn, her bro is a cop, lol
DIMITRI
I’m gonna get a ticket. FML!
BRYAN
Yo, You still got that weed under the passenger seat?
DIMITRI
Oh crap oh crap oh crap!
BRYAN
LOL this ain’t ur night bro!
DIMITRI
I tossed it out passenger window. 5-0 didn’t seem to notice.
DIMITRI
He giving me a speeding ticket.
BRYAN
And one for the busted taillight?
BRYAN
I told u to get it fixed.
DIMITRI
So look at this: Another 300 in tickets, bro.
BRYAN
Well u only five blocks from me.
DIMITRI
Where are u from here?
BRYAN
Turn right on Phelps Avenue.
BRYAN
SMFH, try to help a man.
DIMITRI
I got two flats man, broken glass ALL up and down this joint.
DIMITRI
Like someone bust a window, drop that shit on purpose!
DIMITRI
Turning into a nightmare. BBL.
DIMITRI
OK, back on the road
BRYAN
WB, bro. Let’s ride easy final leg of the trip, LOL.
DIMITRI
Only had one spare obviously. Goin’ mad slow, I’m driving on one rim.
BRYAN
On Phelps and where?
BRYAN
What man? Big Foot show up? Lol
DIMITRI
He just gave me a 200 buck texting while driving ticket!
BRYAN
Damn man! SMFGDH, son. Well three blocks more.
DIMITRI
Yo I’m parked. Where are you?
BRYAN
Out back by the swimming pool bro.
DIMITRI
OK I’m coming. This shit is whack!
BRYAN
WTF was that sound???
DIMITRI
Dude, some old dude just took a shot at me!
BRYAN
What do you mean??? That was a gunshot?
DIMITRI
Tell ur grandpa to back off man, I’m behind the tree, I pissed myself man—
DIMITRI
7834 Washburn, dude!
BRYAN
No, I’m 7843, dude!
DIMITRI
What? U wrote 34!
DIMITRI
F-you! I see what u wrote!
BRYAN
Lol, it was a typo, I need a bigger phone.
DIMITRI
Typo? Some mad sonofabtich is on his lawn reloading—
BRYAN
Yeah 7834, that’s that crazy loner vet down the street.
DIMITRI
This is insane!!!
BRYAN
OK drop my name, he’ll let you go.
BRYAN
He cool, he just hot-wired.
DIMITRI
Yeah he did, I’m gonna beat the bacon outta u, when I get there—
BRYAN
Ok I left front door unlocked, I gotta take a leak.
DIMITRI
U just don’t wanna be there in case old Shotgun Charlie takes another shot!
DIMITRI
I’m on the front lawn
BRYAN
Nicole been calling you?
DIMITRI
SONOFABITCH! Some dude just carjacked me!
DIMITRI
Some mad-ass-brother just came up with a gat said gimme the keys—
DIMITRI
he just crashed my ride into a tree!!!!!
DIMITRI
SMFH! Front end is totaled, smoke comin’ out.
DIMITRI
Get out here, son!
BRYAN
I’m gonna stay hiding under my bed.
BRYAN
Yo, that shit sounds dangerous.
DIMITRI
That crazy old man is laughing at me, he doing some whack dance in the street.
BRYAN
Yo bro, come in my crib, call the cops.
DIMITRI
OMG, this night is whacked, and I blame u!
DIMITRI
I blow the red light camera-
DIMITRI
I get pulled over by 5-0 on the side street, and lose $300 in quality weed in the process-
DIMITRI
I drive on Broken Glass Avenue—
DIMITRI
I go to the wrong house with trigger-happy-Joe—
BRYAN
Don’t forget the texting ticket, LOL.
DIMITRI
And then u got carjackers hiding in ur damn bushes, son!
DIMITRI
Ain’t no cops HERE when I need ‘em! SMFH
BRYAN
LOL when u put it that way, anyway come in man, we’ll chill.
DIMITRI
Yo, it’s dark. Where are you?
BRYAN
U know, it’s like a birthday party, turn on the light and get a surprise.
BRYAN
Oh? All those guys in uniform u looking at?
BRYAN
They’re cops. My cousins. And U recognize my brothers, right?
BRYAN
Oh. Right. And you haven’t been talking to Bryan.
BRYAN
Just his cell phone.
BRYAN
Bryan is handcuffed to his upstairs radiator.
BRYAN
Don’t mess with a girl whose whole family is cops, D-Man.
DIMITRI
Wait? Bb? Nicole?
BRYAN
Don’t BB Me, Dimitri.
DIMITRI
They gonna kill me?
BRYAN
They’re only gonna bruise you.
DIMITRI
SMFH. U had this shit all worked out.
BRYAN
I know all the red light traps :P
BRYAN
& no one gonna stop a cop pouring broken glass all over the road…
DIMITRI
Yo, What about the carjacker, just totaled my ride??
BRYAN
Ahem. Dimitri. A girl who knows a lot of cops….
BRYAN
….knows a lot of robbers, too.
