When Leah wakes up, she sees a voice message from Rem. She presses play.
Rem’s voice is deep and sexy, and smooth and refined.
Rem
Good morning! I wanted you to hear my voice. Fair is fair, you know…
Rem
And I always reciprocate.
Rem
I hope my story last night didn’t scare you. That’s my past, and I try not to dwell on it.
Rem
I have demons, of course, but everyone does, don’t they?
When the message is over, Leah pauses.
Then she records her own voice message. Her voice is still husky with sleep.
Leah
Morning, Rem. Yes, everyone has demons and secrets and scars…
Leah
And sometimes, they don’t want to talk about them.
She takes a deep breath before continuing.
Leah
I do, too, if I’m being honest.
She presses send, and then stares at the reflection of her scar in the screen of her phone.
She runs her finger along it. Without the scar, she’d be so pretty. She knows that.
But with it…she’s flawed.
She needs to put an end to this flirtation before her feelings get seriously hurt.
Taking another deep breath, she sends another voice text.
Leah
Would you like to get drinks tonight?
It’ll be like pulling off a Band-Aid, she tells herself.
She envisions the look that might be on his face when he first sees her…
He’ll be crestfallen and disappointed.
A text comes in, another voice message from Rem. She plays it.
Rem
I have a dinner meeting, but I can definitely meet you for drinks afterward.
Rem
Does that work for you?
Rem
And Leah, being afraid of losing your virginity isn’t really a demon.
Rem
It’s natural, I promise. Hell, I was scared to lose mine.
Rem
I was afraid I wouldn’t do it right—
Rem
That it would be too fast, that I would disappoint the girl I was with at the time.
Rem
Please don’t worry about anything. I’ll be gentle, and we’ll go slow.
Rem
If at any point, you want to stop and wait, we’ll do that. Instantly.
Rem
You have nothing to worry about.
Leah listens to his message, and her eyes well up.
He thinks that the only thing she has to worry about is losing her virginity…
And at this point, she doesn’t even care about that.
A stronger emotion has taken hold of her—
So before she can second-guess herself, she presses the record button.
Leah
Rem, I’m not afraid of losing my virginity to you.
Leah
This might scare you, but I’m going to tell you something…
Leah
Like, really like you.
Leah
This started out as a way to lose my virginity in a perfunctory way, but this past week…
Leah
I’ve grown to really like you as a person.
Leah
Every time I get a text from you, my heart speeds up and I get butterflies in my stomach.
Leah
Losing my virginity to you will be wonderful. I know that. I’m not afraid at all.
Leah
The only thing I’m worried about…is losing you.
Leah
Before I even really get a chance to know you.
She presses send and Rem answers almost immediately.
Rem
I’m intrigued by you, Leah.
Rem
You’ve been on my mind more than I’d like to admit. I think of you constantly—
Rem
And I don’t even have a face to put to your voice. That doesn’t matter to me.
Rem
I want to see you tomorrow night.
Rem
Would you like to meet at Spill bar for drinks around 8?
Rem
You should probably see my face now…
Rem
So you know who to look for.
A picture of his face comes in over text message.
Leah’s breath catches in her throat as she stares at the handsome man staring back at her.
He’s got early morning stubble, rich chestnut hair, warm eyes and a chiseled jaw.
Her heart sinks into her belly. A man like that would never want her — ever.
Too afraid to speak, she texts him back.
Leah
You’re beautiful, Rem.
Rem
😂 Men aren’t beautiful, Leah.
Leah
I have to tell you something, Rem. No—
Leah
I have to show you something.
Leah
And once you see it…
Leah
You might not want to meet with me.
Leah
I totally understand if that happens. This is my secret, Rem.
Leah draws in a ragged breath.
She takes a selfie that clearly depicts her entire face, including her scar.
She smiles in the picture — but she doesn’t see her full lips, rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes.
All she can see is the monster on her cheekbone.
She sends the picture, and quickly types a series of follow-up messages.
Leah
I’ll be tied up all day today.
Leah
If you still want to meet me after seeing this, I’ll be at Spill bar tonight at 8pm.
Leah
I really hope I see you.
Leah
But like I said, if you don’t want to after this…
Leah
I completely understand.
Leah powers off her phone.
There’s no way she can deal with the rejection right now—
Not after opening her heart like she did.
She gets ready for work, avoiding the temptation to turn her phone back on.
She imagines the excuses Rem might have texted…
And her stomach clenches. Maybe she won’t even hear from him again.
If that’s the case, she tells herself, so be it. She squares her shoulders and drives to work.
At work, Leah’s day drags on and during lunch, she eats alone in her classroom.
Thirty minutes in to the period, her friend Julie pokes her head in.
As soon as she sees Leah’s face, she comes in and sits down.
Leah
You remember the guy I mentioned?
Leah
The one I’ve been talking to online?
Leah
I really like him. He’s pretty damned perfect.
Leah
And I finally sent him a picture this morning.
Julie
And? What’s the problem?
Leah
I don’t know how he’ll react.
Leah stares at her, annoyed. She hates pussy-footing around her obvious shortcoming.
Julie
Oh my God! Are you being serious??
Julie looks at Leah’s face and realizes that she is dead serious.
Julie
Leah, you’re beautiful. I never even see the scar anymore.
Leah
That’s only because you know me.
Leah
I’m sure when you first met me, it was all you saw.
Julie
Not really. It’s there, of course—
Julie
But it’s so thin and faint. I think you’ve built it up in your head to be something it isn’t.
Leah
You don’t understand. Even Michael brought it up — everyone sees it.
Julie
Oh my God. I didn’t know you were so self-conscious about it!
Julie
You’re so beautiful that I thought you surely knew that.
Julie
Honestly. I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat — scar and all.
Julie
No, it’s the truth.
Julie
Let me guess — you haven’t given the guy a chance to respond.
Leah looks up at her friend guiltily.
Leah
I turned my phone off after I sent the photo.
Julie throws her head back in exasperation.
Julie
Thank God I came in here.
Julie
Now do yourself a favor and check to see what he said.
Leah
No. I can’t yet. I’ve got to steel myself first.
Leah
We’re supposed to meet tonight. If he’s not there, then I’ll know.
Leah
I’ll never have to read his lame excuses.
Julie
But Leah, you’re creating a problem that isn’t even there.
Julie
You’re going to worry all day.
Leah
So be it. I’d rather do it this way.
Julie shakes her head but stops arguing. She gets to her feet and heads to the door.
But before she leaves, she makes one final statement.
Julie
Anyone would be lucky to be with you, Leah.
Julie
I wish that you could see that.
But Leah is already staring out the window, and her stomach has tied itself in knots.
