Brad
Hey there! Are you Jules?
He’s even more gorgeous in person.
Jules
I am! And you’re Brad. Personal trainer extraordinaire!
I end by pointing both fingers at him poised like little guns.
But Brad just smiles that perfect smile.
Brad
So, what made you sign up for a personal training session today?
Brad
And what are you looking to get out of this session?
Jules
Well, I saw your flyer and figured I could switch up my routine…
Jules
You know…get more physical.
I smile and hope he gets the hint.
Brad
Excellent! So you have a workout routine…
Brad
What do you typically do at the gym?
Jules
Well, I usually start with 15 minutes of tanning…
Jules
Followed by 30 minutes in the sauna, and then—
I cut myself off because he’s looking at me funny.
Brad
I mean…what exercises do you usually do?
Brad
Do you take classes, use machines, use free weights…?
Uh oh, I’m scaring him away.
Even though that IS my routine.
Usually followed by pizza.
Even though I’m not, relief floods his face.
Jules
Sometimes I use free weights, but mostly I…um…
I look around the gym for inspiration…
Never having taken an exercise class in my life.
Jules
Well, HIIT classes are my favorite.
Brad
Oh, HIIT classes! Those are tough.
Brad
Since it sounds like you have a solid fitness base…
Brad
Let’s see what you can do.
He leads me over to a mat.
And I start to feel pretty good about my chances of getting him to like me.
He looks more like a young John Stamos by the second.
Jules
I say some…uh…positive mantras in my head before beginning any workout.
Where did THAT come from?
Brad is clearly impressed.
Brad
That’s great! Your mind is a key player in every workout.
I don’t have the slightest clue what he’s talking about.
Brad
Okay. Let’s get you started with 10 burpees to warm up.
He looks at me expectantly.
I’m convinced I heard him wrong.
Jules
Really? 10…burpees?
Jules
Alright, if you say so…
I gulp in a big breath of air…
Wondering how this could possibly be a warm up.
I clench my muscles and produce a big…loud…
Suddenly, the whole gym goes quiet.
All I can hear is the beat of the techno music blaring through the speakers.
Brad opens his mouth and speaks very slowly.
Brad
Jules…do you know what a burpee is?
The blood drains from my face.
Jules
I was just kidding…again!
Jules
Yes, of course I know what a burpee is.
Brad smiles slightly, less convinced this time.
Jules
I just normally like to have a snack before I do them.
Jules
Mind if I grab one?
Jules
Thanks! Be right back!
I run to the smoothie bar…
And approach the guy at the register.
I lean in conspiratorially and whisper.
Jules
I need your help, Seth!
Everyone in the customer service industry loves to be called by name.
Seth
You’re kidding, right?
Jules
Do I LOOK like I’m kidding?!
He steps away from the register…
Drops to the ground for a push up…
Then squats back and jumps up into the air.
I’m sweating just watching him.
Jules
Why would anyone willingly do that?!
He gives me an amused look.
Seth
To get in better shape. They’re great for—
Jules
Quick, I need a snack!
Seth
You’re going to eat before doing burpees?
Seth
I don’t think that’s such a good idea…
I spot a protein bar on the counter and grab it.
I run away eating the bar.
Seth’s voice trails off in the distance.
Seth
You don’t have a tab…
I grab a bite of the bar and…YUCK!
I approach Brad, who has a wary look on his face.
Time to turn this train wreck around.
Brad
Okay. So as I was saying…
Brad
I’d like to see 3 reps of 10 burpees.
Jules
Is it just me, or did the burpees multiply?
Brad
I’m trying to make up for lost time.
I do 3 burpees before feeling like the wind has been knocked out of me.
I try to catch my breath, which turns into a coughing fit.
All this physical exertion nearly brings up the protein bar.
A minute later, hands on my knees, I look up at him.
Jules
Sorry, I’m just getting over being sick.
I’m not, but fibbing is becoming second nature at this point.
Brad
Then let’s reschedule this for another time.
Brad
Reach out once you’re feeling 100%.
All of a sudden, he’s reaching his hand towards my face.
Is this really happening?
He’s about to caress my cheek!
Brad
You’ve got a little…
He brushes what feels like a tiny nut from my chin.
The protein bar strikes again.
Jules
So anyway, I’ll definitely reach out when I’m feeling better!
Jules
What’s your number so I can text you?
He leaves before I can respond.
I collect my things like a dog with its tail between its legs.
Seth
How’d the burpees go, thief?
My look of defeat says it all.
Seth
Hey, the bar’s on me.
I wipe my forehead with my arm.
Seth
Well…don’t sweat it any more than you already are.
Seth
You’re not the first girl to try to pick up Brad, you know.
How did he know I was trying to pick up Brad?!
Seth
What, you think I don’t see you come in here to tan?
Seth
Then make a beeline to the pizza place across the street?
Jules
Well they DO make the best margherita pizza in the city.
Seth
Want to know a secret?
Seth
I go there for lunch every day.
Jules
What?! Seth the Smoothie Man eats PIZZA?!
I slap his shoulder playfully.
Jules
What would the gym do if they found out?
Seth
Lucky for me, you’re not going to tell them.
Seth
Because then I’d rat YOU out to Brad!
Seth
No offense, but Brad’s all kale salads and protein bars.
Seth
He would never eat pizza with you…
My eyes brighten at the mention of pizza.
Seth was at a 6, but he instantly jumps to an 8.
Seth
Just promise me one thing.
Jules
Anything for pizza.
Jules
You heard that too, huh?
He nods, holding back a laugh.
Jules
Is there anything you CAN’T see from this spy post disguised as a smoothie bar?
Seth
Well…I can’t see why it’s lunchtime and you’re not already eating!
Jules
Oh my god, you’re right. Now come on!
Jules
Fresh pizza waits for NO ONE!
I yank him out the door as he slides a “Back in 30 Minutes” sign onto the counter.
A large pizza is in front of us.
Seth’s got red pepper flakes in his teeth.
Looking downright handsome.
I lean forward to wipe away a piece of stringy cheese dangling from his chin.
Seth grins at me, unashamed.
And just like that, he’s…a 10.
